Saturday, October 17, 2009

Propositioning Our Spouses – How Indecent

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Why do we often feel the need to proposition our spouses into getting what we desire? Too often we don’t believe that our spouses will meet our needs the way we want them to, so we offer an agreement. If you… Then I’ll… This way of relating often reminds me of when I was in grade school and I would propose a benefit to a “friend” if they, in turn, would do something for me. It ALWAYS worked back then, but now as adults we need to think twice before living in a Covenant Marriage this way. God doesn’t say, “If you obey me, then I’ll love you” or “Only if you’re a good-willed person, will I bless you.” Why do we think we can say such nonsense to our husbands and wives, could anything be more indecent?

This type of relating forces our marriages to become contracts, business agreements. Only in these types of relationships is someone always expected to DO something. If that “something” is not accomplished, then there’s anger, frustration, bitterness and lack of hope in the home. If that “something” is not accomplished often then divorce becomes an option; all because we feel compelled to manipulate our spouses to get something now (temporary) as opposed to minister to them in order to experience (eternity) here on earth.

Do we really believe that we must control EVERYTHING in the relationship, when all God asks us to do is have faith and trust Him in our marriages. I have truly come to believe and know that if I do what God tells me, he’ll manifests some of my desires and much more in Kevin and my marriage. We’ve experienced some beautiful moments once we’ve believe God to do what He promised.

Whether I’ve needed more love, affection, attention, romance etc, I’ve learned two very important things: 1) communicate my need to Kevin in a language that he can receive and/or 2) pray sincerely about it. For me it’s just that simple, anything else will be a carnal and temporary solution with negative ramifications. My needs are so very important to God and I know that at the depths of my soul. He will not leave nor forsake us!

I trust God to lead me into a place of peace and solitude as I do this because He’s not the author of confusion and He’d rather there be peace in our home as we seek His guidance to live in this MYSTERY than there being anything that distracts from us exemplifying Christ and the Church.

It's not easy, but it's certainly not impossible either.

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