Monday, July 26, 2010

Marital Discovery-Misplaced Anger and Fear

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Kevin and I had a truly amazing weekend!!! It was full of sponteneity, fun, excitement and the Lord.

We had several great conversations this weekend, but on Saturday in particular, one of the most interesting ones was concerning Mel Gibson and how men tend to deal with anger.

We were discussing how a man that was in a 30 year relationship and bore 7 children with his wife, then becomes this raving lunatic that we've seen lately. Additionally, we discussed how, often men especially when they make bad choices began to lash out due to the overarching feeling of failure and guilt.

Let's be clear, neither Kevin nor I believe that all of this MG "crazy" popped up out of nowhere, but instead that the stability of his past relationship gave him a sense of security and balance and his anger was probably better managed. Ultimately allowing his rants to be comforted by his wife and then distinquished by her love for him.

Why they didn't stay married is a matter that they know and must live with. Obviously, Mel isn't dealing with this too well.

Then you have this fresh relationship wher he again, bears a child with his girlfriend, but Mel not feeling so into her and their relationship anymore begins to feel trapped because of the child, which now binds them for life.

To my knowledge, Mel Gibson has never faced domestic violence charges in his 30 year relationship with his ex- wife; how does this rage just show up? Does the never-ending feeling of being trapped in a less than healthy relationship bring out this type of anger in men?

Maybe his life as a man began to feel meaningless and less satisfying without the stability of his once stable home.

Maybe he questioned his relationship with God.

Maybe he felt like he was betraying the life he once had and did not deserve to move on.

I don't know, but there certainly is a huge battle raging inside of him and if he doesn't recognize it and get a hold of it soon, he will be lost forever and lose whatever may be left of him.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A New Road – A New View

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Well Kevin and I have arrived; arrived at this new place in our marriage. It’s like being on the road with your favorite person for an extended period and then you scan the map only to realize there’s a new road coming up. You’re almost hesitant to embark on this new road. On this new road, everything’s new: the sites, sounds, requests, desires, the person you’re with and even how you see the journey that you’re on begins to look different; even better.

We’re making plans for a more exciting and full life. We’re planning fun-filled days and romantic evenings. We’re beginning to look forward to the simpler things in life while keeping ourselves healthy, operating in our ministry and loving one another immensely. Too often we, get stuck in a marriage flow and can’t seem to get out of it. We were in a flow. We’re now coming out.

I guess, for many couples, it may have taken longer than necessary because no one wants to admit that they’ve hit that flow. Wouldn’t we then have to blame someone for the flow? No, not really, we didn’t blame one another, but we did admit it and began on a Mission Statement, A Marriage Plan and a Marital Reassessment.

I’ve noticed that this new road is inviting new elements to our lives. We’re listening to one another more, maybe even better than before, we’re discussing our spiritual journey, we’re calm and patient with one another and our love is so ALIVE!

Recently, we’ve been in lifestyle, health and domestic mode. We’re car shopping, remodeling our place and sticking to all of our doctors appointments. Why, you ask? Because for us, all of these things at this stage in our lives, have become important to us. Yes, unfortunately, we’ve missed several Dr’s appointments, put aside some much needed painting and decorating, and have been rather comfortable without a car for almost 5 years. For the past several years, work has literally consumed us. We’ve not gone on a vacation in 10 years, boy do we need one.

So, here we are, we’ve arrived. With all of this newness waiting for us to join it and we're game.

Stay tuned as we journey on this new road. This is new for us. We truly believe that God has some great and interesting things in store for us and we’re excited to share it with you.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Supernatural Love - No Ordinary Love

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Well, as you can see, we've been MIA. So much, professionally, spiritually and personally, has gone on in the past week it's just too much to get into. So, I'll leave it for some other time.

I do want to sahre this though. Recently, in the past couple of weeks, Kevin and I have been in the company of some amazing friends and each one of them made individual, uncollaborated comments about our marriage. One couple said they wanted what we have, another said that we're the perfect model for marriage, that the ministry of marriage is our calling and another said that they've never seen a couple like us, ever but now they know that real love is possible.

Growing up, I never learned that marriage was meant for others. I was taught, instead, that I was to mind my business when it came to personal intimate relationships of others. And I did. Boy, times have changed. To hear folk speak so boldly, openly and complimentary about something so sacred as our marriage, often puzzles us. Since we live it each day, we'd like to see what they see.

Under ordinary circumstances this can cause some folks to get puffed up and a bit prideful, but these are our friends and they know that these words, for us, have absolutely nothing to do with us and we always give God the glory. The love they see is God! This way of loving is not natural, but totally supernatural. For me marriage is spelled, K-E-V-I-N.

God broke through some severe ugliness, with a lot of resistance on our behalf to get us just to where we are now. So, I know what people say is a true testiment to two people being broken so that God shall forever get the glory.

At this stage in my marriage I don't know how to not look at my husband and be in love with him, how to touch him and not be excited, how to watch him leave for work each day and not Thank God for him, how to hear him say I love you and never ever want to hear anyone else say it, how to fight with him and not feel broken and less than, how to hold his hand and not feel so completely safe, how to smell him and not know that I can carry it with me no matter where I go, to know that Friday is coming and still look forward to date night, how to hear him pray and be thankful that he's invited me into his soul, how when I see him, I know with every fiber in my body that God made me specifically for him.

We train consisitently and intently not to love our way, but God'way.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Several months ago we had Pastor Jamal Bryant in town for the beginning of his book tour. We stopped by the former Gospel Uptown and he left the room on fire!!!!!! He shared how the church was instrumental, or lack ther of, in the healing of his and three other Christian couples marriages that have all ended in divorce. As well, he discusses the Black church in comparison to the earthquake in Haiti.

Tell us what you think. This is a hot 11:08 minute sermon.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Mother's Love: Mother-in-Law, That Is

Hey Covenant Groupies,

How we pray that you all had an amazing 4th of July weekend! Ours was quite interesting to say the least.

Well, with that said, Kevin and I spent our date night, last Friday, listening to a beautiful mix of music; Classic R and B, Hip-Hop, CCM, Gospel, you name it. We spent the evening singing our heats out!It was blissful!

Then, out of the blue an old Stlystics song came on and Kevin became quiet. He was thinking of his Mom, who he was very close to and who we lost 2 years ago. He told me that as a kid he often knew the mood of his Mom depending on the music she listened to. This song, in particular, meant that she was sad.

Soon we just started talking about her and how much fun she was, how funny and insightful she was etc. Then the Lord quickly reminded me of why I have always called her "The Best Mother-in-Law Ever."

From the first time we met she knew Kevin and I were getting married. Her immediate gift to me was to give me snippets of who her son was; his mood swings and what they meant; how to deal with them and how not to let them come between us. She also shared his emotional hurts, how people hurt him and how he's dealt with them, his fears and so much more.

Over the years there have been things about Kevin he's not been able to express to me, but thanks to his Mom I recognize them, thank her and ask the Lord how to deal with Kevin in a loving manner.

I've always look at her giving as a beautifully wrapped precious gift with delecate instructions of care in order to get the best out of it for a very long time.

Not many people can say the same about their mother-in-law, but I truly miss mine and thank God for her heart of giving. She simply refused to let me/us start off not knowing the truth. Now that's unconditional love!!!!!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Losing a Child: A Dream Deferred?

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Well, today cold be a rough day for me, but fortunately, it's not. Five years ago today, Kevin and I lost a baby while in our 2nd trimester. Yes, it was devestating and painful. I wasn't going to write about this-at all, but the Lord has led me to.

As much as Kevin and I desire children, as much as we were looking forward to being parents and as much as we enjoyed the entire pregnancy process we do believe that God had and has so much in store for us. We do relate so well to many of the couples in the Bible who were unable to bear children, at the same time we know that God opens and closes the womb and whatever He has in store for us, our prayer is that we remain true to dedicating our children back to God, try to remain as blameless as possible as we teach them God's ways and keep our arms wide open just like the prodigal's father.

Because of a promise from God, we've continued to live our lives waiting patiently on the Lord. He is not a man that he should lie. And although it may not happening when we desire it to, we do know that, often, deferred dreams are some day awaken in order to begin journey's that lead to dynamic legacies.

We're ready!!!!!