Friday, November 30, 2012

70 of the Most Important Things We've Learned Over the Years

Day 14) Do not allow your children to take priority over your spouse. Your Covenant is with your spouse, not your children. REMEMBER: A forgotten spouse is hard to reconnect with once the children are gone.

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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Day 13 of the 70 Most Important Things We've Learned Over the Years

Day 13) Marriage is NOT 50-50!!!

Please don't ever believe that 50% is enough to carry your end of a marriage with all of its complexities and ups and downs. If you can't or find it difficult to give 100% of who you are to your spouse from the beginning, run, don't walk back to pre-marital counseling. BE CLEAR, giving 100% DOES NOT mean that you're perfect, but that your cognizant of your strengths and weaknesses with regards to being a spouse, and will work tirelessly to be for your spouse and marriage all that God has intended you to be. That takes 100% effort, commitment, faith and trust. Giving only 50% will never be able to hold that up!!!

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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Day 12 of the 70 Most Important Things We've Learned Over the Years

Day 12 - Learning to sit on mutual silence has become such a blessing. It communicates so much and proves that words are sometimes overrated.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Day 5 - Day 11 of the 70 Most Important Things We've Learned Over the Years

Hey Groupies,

The holiday had us heavy and a bit lazy, but full of thoughts. Here are days 5-11. 

Hope you enjoy!

Day 5 - Defining your marriage by other marriages will hold you hostage to perfection until and unless you know exactly what they went through to get there.

Day 6 - Keeping unhealthy people out of your marriage - PRICELESS!

Day 7 - Keeping the marriage Holy, that's God's work; keeping you Holy, that's all you as you depend on God

Day 8 - How you actually feel and what you believe about your spouse WILL come out in how you speak to them

Day 9 - Submission is the most beautiful and powerful thing a women can bestow upon her man

Day 10 - Keeping unresolved issues alive in marriage will lead to hurt, bitterness, pain and resentment

Day 11 - To allow work to become or even look like it's more important than your spouse is dangerous

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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Day 4 of 70 Most Important things We've Learned Over the Years

Day 4 - Become an avid student of your spouse. Invest the time, energy and excitement you would exert when studying for the most important test in your life!!!

Monday, November 19, 2012

70 of the Most Important Things We've Learned Over the Years

Day 1 - Once you're married,  life will NEVER be the same.

Day 2 - Learning to live in close proximity with another person can and will be the most difficult thing you learn to do, but the most rewarding.

Day 3 - Listening is the hottest, yet under rated commodity in a relationship. Be willing to become an expert at listening instead of speaking all the time.

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Friday, November 16, 2012

70 Days to 10 Years... Let the Countdown Begin

Happy Friday Covenant Groupies,

Today is truly a special day!!!!! This is the day that set our entire life together in motion.

10 years ago today, November 16, 2002, Kevin and I, an engaged couple, went on a double date with a married couple from church. We didn't know them very well, but they were incredibly warm, kind and loving to us.

It was a night of bowling, fun, fellowship and then dinner. It was at dinner that Kevin was asked a question that changed our lives forever! I'll make it short and to the point.

It's not like we hadn't heard the question before or hadn't discussed the question, hadn't contemplated the question before or even argued over the question before. What made the question different on this night was that we had just had an amazingly huge argument the night before about this very question, I was still angry at Kevin's and God was going to perform a miracle based on that question alone. 

Oh, what was the question? I had asked Kevin when were we getting married? We had discussed it so much and we were VERY clear that we were supposed to get married, however, setting a date was moving slowly. His answer was drawing out, I was frustrated and we had completed pre-marital counseling. I was patient and I didn't want to harass him about it. When I asked on this Friday evening, we were enjoying a beautiful Manhattan drive and I thought it would be a great time to revisit.

When something matters to God it will be brought to light, it will be made known whether privately or publicly. You will either like it or not. It just so happened that when we sat down to dinner, Larry asked Kevin when he was going to make me an honest woman. Kevin just threw out a date, January 21, 2003 is when we were getting married. I asked him if he even knew when that was. Turns out, it was a Tuesday. Kevin responded, "What's the following Saturday?" I said, "January 25th. Kevin said, "Then that's it. That's the day we're getting married. 

That was it. That was how we decided on a date. 

Larry and Carol were definitely used on that night and this is how we started our magnificent journey of Covenant Marriage.

Once we left the restaurant, Kevin and I began to plan our wedding. We actually started to plan and God didn't laugh; instead, He smiled upon us and has been doing so ever since.

Today actually marks the 70 days it took for us to plan our entire wedding from start to finish. Neither one of us had ever planned a wedding and never did we think that we could accomplish everything, but we did - plus more. We were the recipients of so many of God's blessings over those 70 days. He showed us what the benefits of obedience will garner those who love and trust Him.

Each day, for the next 70 days, until our 10 Anniversary, we'll take you on the beautiful journey that was to begin our Covenant marriage. We'll share those incredible blessings, valuable lessons we've learned and what we look forward to in the future.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Marital Intimacy without Conflict...Not Possible!

Good Day Covenant Groupies,

This post is like two weeks behind. We've been so swamped with our Bible project client that posting began to take a back seat; we've committed that this would not start all over again. Remember, the last time that happened, almost two years went by without a post - Not again LOL!!!!

Today's post is below:

Conflict is good! Yes, I am definitive about that statement. Why? Because I've witnessed amazing things happen when people have the opportunity to share their deepest hurts, pains and uncertainties in relationships. Kevin and I are apart of that group of people.

It was neither easy nor comfortable getting there because society and even our parents have taught us that we are to "make nice" with everyone, try to minimize conflict, because it's just not right. However, our Christian faith tells us that conflict is good, healthy and necessary in order to get to a place of truth, transparency and wholeness.

Hubby and I met a gentleman recently who shared with us that he has been married for 20 years. Now you all know 20 years is like amazing to us because we just love marriage and understand the work it takes to stay married 1 year much less 20 years.

During our discussion with the man, what shocked us was the fact that he said that he and his wife have never had a conflict - had never fought and had never argued.

Seriously, how is that possible? Day to day issues arise, spending time, lacking energy, children and a myriad of other issues will peer their ugly heads in marriage. As well, you simply cannot bring two imperfect people together in a marriage, in a union, becoming one and there are no arguments. That's just impossible!

Part of Gods intention for marriage was to bring two imperfect people together - shake things up - to show us who He intends for us to be, both individually and maritally. We are to come together in a broken state and be made one, be made whole as a couple. You can't do that without differences of opinions, arguments, strife etc.

What Kevin and I have learned over the years is that one of the most brilliant paths to intimacy is conflict. No where else can there lie the truth of who we are, how we feel, what hurts us, how much someone truly means to us, plus so much more.

Learning that was very difficult for me, because once again, no one had taught me how to live, love, be sad, unsure, confused or mad in marriage. I was ALWAYS given the impression that marriage was perfect and the two people in the marriage were just as perfect. Those couples that I had seen never appeared to have any imperfections. So, when I sought my own way early on in marriage, you can best believe, it did not fair well with Kevin.

The gentleman that we met really sparked some interesting conversations between Kevin and I about the many conflicts we've faced over the years, how we had to LEARN to fight and disagree in marriage and how incredibly close we are because we didn't run from them.

Couples, let's not run from conflict, instead let's seek to understand how to be in conflict, have our feelings hurt, hurt some feelings, learn to listen, respect and honor our spouse in the moment and so on. We aren't taught how to properly disagree in marriage without, so often, having a win-lose mentality, which forces us to run from what awaits, especially if we feel that we can't win.

Are we really willing to win, so badly, in order that our spouse loses or will we be willing to risk it all lay it on the line and open up some new doors of intimacy?

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