Hey Covenant Groupies,
I was recently reading the Huffington post and found this article by Tabby Biddle. folks are always trying to redefine things to make life better for them. Although, I don't requre easy, very rarely do I debate the need most folks have. Oftentimes, I applaud those who invent, create and sacrifice to ease our lives. But when it comes to marriage, let's not touch it. It has existed on a foundation that's outlasted our grand, great-grand and great-great grandparents and will outlast us too. Marriage doesn't need to change, our perspectives, outlook and reality about what God created when the world began has to.
Read the article and let us know your thoughts.
Probably many of us can agree that for much of the 20th century the archetypal gender roles of marriage were: husband as breadwinner and protector and wife as homemaker and mother. Even if a woman was working, there was an unspoken code about the roles a husband and wife would assume upon being married. But over the recent couple of decades, due to economic and socio-political changes, that code can no longer be assumed and more to the point -- is in a process of reconstruction. Add to this that same sex marriages and partnerships are causing many to reexamine our suppositions about marriage.
Last week in The New York Times, writer/performer Sandra Tsing Loh wrote an opinion piece entitled "My So-Called Wife" discussing the changing roles of men and women in marriage. "I don't know how it's going for my sisters, but as my 40s and Verizon bills and mortgage payments roll on, I seem to have an ever more recurring 1950s housewife fantasy," says Sandra, the main breadwinner in her first of marriage of 13 years and now the main breadwinner again with a new partner.
The conversation on this topic is hot right now because a recent study by the Pew Research Center, entitled "The Rise of Wives," found that while men overall still earn more than women, wives are now the primary breadwinner in 22 percent of couples, up from seven percent in 1970.
I look at this and think, Okay, that means that 78 percent of husbands are still the primary breadwinner in families ... why is everyone making a big deal about these numbers? Then I realize that as it becomes an increasingly common situation for a woman to make more money than her husband, this rattles the very foundation of our belief system about marriage.
In our household, while my husband is still the main breadwinner, he is also the one who takes care of the home. He does the cooking, laundry, etc. He considers cooking a masculine activity, or at least not a gender-specific one.
(I do want to point out here that while my husband enjoys a lot of domestic duties, he draws the line at some things. "I don't think I'd pull the vacuum out if you had a bunch of your girlfriends over. That might be a little embarrassing.")
Some day our roles might switch and I could be the main breadwinner. The idea of being the main breadwinner sounds exhilarating to me. However, I wonder ... when I am there, will I still feel the same way? How deep does the "husband" and "wife" archetypal programming go?
Tara Parker-Pope, health and wellness columnist for The New York Times, poses the question in a recent article: [Is] a financially successful woman a threat to her husband or a relief?
I have one male friend who insists that while his ex-wife may not admit it, the demise of their marriage began when she started making more money than him. "She lost respect for me," he said. And from there, a host of other problems ensued.
In Gary Zukav's book, The Seat of the Soul, he argues that the old archetype of marriage is no longer functional. He says it is being replaced with a new archetype that is designed to assist spiritual growth. Instead of marrying for physical security, couples are coming together to assist in their mate's evolution and spiritual growth process. In other words, a shift toward an archetype of sacred partnership.
It's hard to deny that the circumstances affecting modern-day marriages have changed. Perhaps what needs to happen is a complete disassembling of the old notions of marriage and assumed roles of husband and wife, so we can start anew.
How to do this? In my own marriage - one step and one day at a time.
While redefining archetypes may not be easy for every couple, it may be worth it for the benefits of personal growth and marriages that are more meaningful ... and that last longer.
What do you think?
Showing posts with label Biblical marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Biblical marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, November 23, 2009
Church - Let's Talk about Sex!!!!
Hey Covenant Groupies,
As I contemplated a topic for today, after being MIA since last Wednesday, I was led to share some thoughts on sex!
After asking the Lord which way to go, He reminded me of Pastor Ed Young who challenged his church to a "sexperiment." He asked his married congregants to have sex everyday for 7 days.
His thoughts on the subject were that he could tell the temperature of a marital relationship by the couples sex life. As well, since we, the church have allowed the world to pervert sex, God's gift to married folk, then we should be willing to talk about it openly and engage in it - BOLDLY. He's also asking that couples share their thoughts about the 7 days in a journal.
Now, as I remembered seeing this challenge on TV, I loved it then and I love it now. I believe the church should NEVER allow folks to get married and leave them to their own devices in any aspect of marriage and especially in the bedroom. But I digress.
I began to ask, "Why is it so necessary for the church to step into the bedroom of married couples? Although I know it's correct and it is God' way, my question was more rhetorical than literal, besides God's Word says, "that EVERYTHING that God created is GOOD." I believe this wholeheartedly and I suppose if we were to have anyone invade our bedrooms, it would only make sense that it's the church; the leaders that God has appointed to oversee us and the group of church family that's seeking to live life according to God's Will alongside us. OK, got it.
Now, after "getting it," again I wonder, "What next?" Exactly, where do we go from here?" Couples step up to the plate and actually have sex for 7 days, now what? Do we allow one another to coast into another "wall" of distruction? As you see: 1) I don't have issues with the challenge or the church talking about and supporting healthy sex between married couples, but 2) I do have plenty of questions about consistency, longevity, sustainability etc.
Kevin and I want the challenge to work we're just afraid the solution may be temporary.
Share your thoughts on this subject
As I contemplated a topic for today, after being MIA since last Wednesday, I was led to share some thoughts on sex!
After asking the Lord which way to go, He reminded me of Pastor Ed Young who challenged his church to a "sexperiment." He asked his married congregants to have sex everyday for 7 days.
His thoughts on the subject were that he could tell the temperature of a marital relationship by the couples sex life. As well, since we, the church have allowed the world to pervert sex, God's gift to married folk, then we should be willing to talk about it openly and engage in it - BOLDLY. He's also asking that couples share their thoughts about the 7 days in a journal.
Now, as I remembered seeing this challenge on TV, I loved it then and I love it now. I believe the church should NEVER allow folks to get married and leave them to their own devices in any aspect of marriage and especially in the bedroom. But I digress.
I began to ask, "Why is it so necessary for the church to step into the bedroom of married couples? Although I know it's correct and it is God' way, my question was more rhetorical than literal, besides God's Word says, "that EVERYTHING that God created is GOOD." I believe this wholeheartedly and I suppose if we were to have anyone invade our bedrooms, it would only make sense that it's the church; the leaders that God has appointed to oversee us and the group of church family that's seeking to live life according to God's Will alongside us. OK, got it.
Now, after "getting it," again I wonder, "What next?" Exactly, where do we go from here?" Couples step up to the plate and actually have sex for 7 days, now what? Do we allow one another to coast into another "wall" of distruction? As you see: 1) I don't have issues with the challenge or the church talking about and supporting healthy sex between married couples, but 2) I do have plenty of questions about consistency, longevity, sustainability etc.
Kevin and I want the challenge to work we're just afraid the solution may be temporary.
Share your thoughts on this subject
Saturday, October 3, 2009
QUESTION OF THE DAY! - Servant Leadership
Hey Covenant Groupies,
I've been swamped for the past two days. Work, marriage and ministry Whooo-hooo! Anyhoo, I have a question for you: Servant Leadership - Does God's Divine ORDER reign in your home? Husbands do you lead and wives do you follow? Yes, I do mean this figuratively, literally and spiritually. Why do we always know the order to everything thing else in life with some intention to following that particular order, but when it comes to our marriages, we want to define the order? Do we really know the order to God's design of marriage and just simply refuse to follow? Hmmmmmmmmm.
Tell me how.
I've been swamped for the past two days. Work, marriage and ministry Whooo-hooo! Anyhoo, I have a question for you: Servant Leadership - Does God's Divine ORDER reign in your home? Husbands do you lead and wives do you follow? Yes, I do mean this figuratively, literally and spiritually. Why do we always know the order to everything thing else in life with some intention to following that particular order, but when it comes to our marriages, we want to define the order? Do we really know the order to God's design of marriage and just simply refuse to follow? Hmmmmmmmmm.
Tell me how.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Fireproof Date Night - Never Leave Your Partner Behind
Hey Covenant Groupies,
As we watched “Fireproof” this past Friday with our church, the movie continues to remind me of so many things that require so much of us as humans, such as: keeping the parasites out of our marriages, making sure there’s no gossip about your spouse to your family, co-workers and friends, live with a heart of selfless sacrifice, recognize and keep abreast of the many differences between men and women, our Covenant marriage vows, unconditional love and respect amongst many other things.
This film covered every area that the enemy would seek to destroy and cause self justified division. The slogan “Never Leave Your Partner Behind,” makes all the sense in the world each time I’ve watched the movie. Far too often, we find couples that have purposefully left their partners behind whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, psychologically; they have just checked out.
How do we get them back? I believe, that’s where unconditional love and respect come in – this is the ability to seek God’s love and respect and wash our spouses in it – regardless of their response. That’s the largest Christian message in this film and should be how we determine to live our lives daily. It’s difficult and will most certainly challenge us, but God has created and chosen us to live out this type of honor, not only towards Him, but more importantly, here on earth, to our spouses.
Also, take a look at our Pastor's most recent sermon and share your thoughts.
As we watched “Fireproof” this past Friday with our church, the movie continues to remind me of so many things that require so much of us as humans, such as: keeping the parasites out of our marriages, making sure there’s no gossip about your spouse to your family, co-workers and friends, live with a heart of selfless sacrifice, recognize and keep abreast of the many differences between men and women, our Covenant marriage vows, unconditional love and respect amongst many other things.
This film covered every area that the enemy would seek to destroy and cause self justified division. The slogan “Never Leave Your Partner Behind,” makes all the sense in the world each time I’ve watched the movie. Far too often, we find couples that have purposefully left their partners behind whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, psychologically; they have just checked out.
How do we get them back? I believe, that’s where unconditional love and respect come in – this is the ability to seek God’s love and respect and wash our spouses in it – regardless of their response. That’s the largest Christian message in this film and should be how we determine to live our lives daily. It’s difficult and will most certainly challenge us, but God has created and chosen us to live out this type of honor, not only towards Him, but more importantly, here on earth, to our spouses.
Also, take a look at our Pastor's most recent sermon and share your thoughts.
LIFE LESSON 14: BE CHRIST TO YOUR UNSAVED HUSBAND from David Randolph Holder on Vimeo.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Two businesses, one marriage - can it work?
Hey Covenant Groupies,
I found this wonderful article in FORTUNE Small Business and it reminded me of Kevin and me as we live and work side by side every day. WE LOVE WORKING TOGETHER!!!! However, we've found tons of couples who are absolutely against such tom-foolery LOL!!
Read the brief article below and tell me if you could you possibly work with your spouse daily?
(FORTUNE Small Business) --
Dear FSB: My husband and I manage separate small businesses. Will this hurt or help my marriage?
- Reykah, San Diego
Dear Reykah: Having two CEOs in the house can actually be less stressful than cohabiting and sharing management of the same business, says Kathy Marshack, a psychologist and family business coach in Vancouver, Wash.
Spouses with separate businesses "can be successful in their own regard and share their successes with one another without feeling like they are in competition," she says.
However, our experts admit that it's rare to have two CEOs at the helm of a household - and they recommend a few strategies to help prevent tension.
Being a small business owner is often a 24/7 job. Family Business Institute president Wayne Rivers suggests sitting down with your spouse to discuss familial responsibilities. For instance, who will handle the household duties, such as cooking and cleaning? Who will take care of the kids if one has to stay home sick?
"Love is not enough to get you through everything," he says. "Crystal clear over-communication should be the rule of the day."
Unlimited Partnership: Five couples' stories
If your spouse owns a business in your industry, it's important to establish professional boundaries. While writing her book, Entrepreneurial Couples: Making it Work at Work and at Home, Marshack studied a husband and wife who each owned trucking brokerages. New business was up for grabs, but the married couple agreed never to go after each other's clients.
As many of the pairs in our cover package on entrepreneurial couples do, married CEOs should set aside no-business-talk time and vacations.
Michelle Hege, COO and partner at public relations firm Desautel Hege Communications, keeps business chat to a minimum during her regular Saturday date night with husband Richard Beaven, co-owner of Signia Capital Management. However, she values the fact that Richard understands firsthand the trials and tribulations of running a business.
"You can talk about an issue with clients, or finances, and you have a live-in counselor who can contribute perspective and talk you down off the ledge," she says. If one half of this Spokane couple has to end a business trip or meeting early to look after their four-year-old son, Cadane, the other one agrees to make that sacrifice the next time around.
One item of business that Rivers suggests you plan and discuss with your entrepreneurial spouse is your exit strategy - especially if you envision a retirement spent enjoying time together.
"If your spouse is going to work another 10 years, you can't spend that retirement time together," warns Rivers.
Rivers cautions that problems may arise from personality clashes.
"If they are both CEOs, there's a chance that each has a domineering personality," Rivers says. "They've got to figure out how to switch that off or, at least, compromise."
However, Marshack believes that headstrong personalities can contribute to a healthy marriage.
"When you've got two boss-type people, they are pretty good at negotiating deals - even in the home," she says.
I found this wonderful article in FORTUNE Small Business and it reminded me of Kevin and me as we live and work side by side every day. WE LOVE WORKING TOGETHER!!!! However, we've found tons of couples who are absolutely against such tom-foolery LOL!!
Read the brief article below and tell me if you could you possibly work with your spouse daily?
(FORTUNE Small Business) --
Dear FSB: My husband and I manage separate small businesses. Will this hurt or help my marriage?
- Reykah, San Diego
Dear Reykah: Having two CEOs in the house can actually be less stressful than cohabiting and sharing management of the same business, says Kathy Marshack, a psychologist and family business coach in Vancouver, Wash.
Spouses with separate businesses "can be successful in their own regard and share their successes with one another without feeling like they are in competition," she says.
However, our experts admit that it's rare to have two CEOs at the helm of a household - and they recommend a few strategies to help prevent tension.
Being a small business owner is often a 24/7 job. Family Business Institute president Wayne Rivers suggests sitting down with your spouse to discuss familial responsibilities. For instance, who will handle the household duties, such as cooking and cleaning? Who will take care of the kids if one has to stay home sick?
"Love is not enough to get you through everything," he says. "Crystal clear over-communication should be the rule of the day."
Unlimited Partnership: Five couples' stories
If your spouse owns a business in your industry, it's important to establish professional boundaries. While writing her book, Entrepreneurial Couples: Making it Work at Work and at Home, Marshack studied a husband and wife who each owned trucking brokerages. New business was up for grabs, but the married couple agreed never to go after each other's clients.
As many of the pairs in our cover package on entrepreneurial couples do, married CEOs should set aside no-business-talk time and vacations.
Michelle Hege, COO and partner at public relations firm Desautel Hege Communications, keeps business chat to a minimum during her regular Saturday date night with husband Richard Beaven, co-owner of Signia Capital Management. However, she values the fact that Richard understands firsthand the trials and tribulations of running a business.
"You can talk about an issue with clients, or finances, and you have a live-in counselor who can contribute perspective and talk you down off the ledge," she says. If one half of this Spokane couple has to end a business trip or meeting early to look after their four-year-old son, Cadane, the other one agrees to make that sacrifice the next time around.
One item of business that Rivers suggests you plan and discuss with your entrepreneurial spouse is your exit strategy - especially if you envision a retirement spent enjoying time together.
"If your spouse is going to work another 10 years, you can't spend that retirement time together," warns Rivers.
Rivers cautions that problems may arise from personality clashes.
"If they are both CEOs, there's a chance that each has a domineering personality," Rivers says. "They've got to figure out how to switch that off or, at least, compromise."
However, Marshack believes that headstrong personalities can contribute to a healthy marriage.
"When you've got two boss-type people, they are pretty good at negotiating deals - even in the home," she says.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Covenant Marriage: Oprah Can't hang!!!
Hey Covenant Groupies,
A couple of days ago Oprah (truly not one of my favorite people) made some remarks about her relationship with Stedman and why they haven’t gotten married after 20 years. There’s more to this comment, but this is all that has been posted to date.
I wonder if the heart of an attentive and loving man is far less appealing to her than the millions of fans who sing her praises daily. Does she purposefully impact his life? Is she as magnificent to him as the world tells her she is to them? When she gives him a gift, does he respond the same way her audience does? Does he blog about her? Does he live his life surrendered to her every word? Has he made her his God? Does he wish he had her money and fame? Can she really just go home at the end of the day and simply be loved by him or does she have to gain the whole world?
Read it and share your thoughts.
“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”
A couple of days ago Oprah (truly not one of my favorite people) made some remarks about her relationship with Stedman and why they haven’t gotten married after 20 years. There’s more to this comment, but this is all that has been posted to date.
I wonder if the heart of an attentive and loving man is far less appealing to her than the millions of fans who sing her praises daily. Does she purposefully impact his life? Is she as magnificent to him as the world tells her she is to them? When she gives him a gift, does he respond the same way her audience does? Does he blog about her? Does he live his life surrendered to her every word? Has he made her his God? Does he wish he had her money and fame? Can she really just go home at the end of the day and simply be loved by him or does she have to gain the whole world?
Read it and share your thoughts.
“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”
Monday, September 14, 2009
Divorce American Style
Hey Covenant Groupies,
This weekend, I watched a film Kevin had seen before and found it truly full of insight. For instance, this film, released in 1967, unveiled some very hard truths about marriage, love, singleness and the work that really goes into making a marriage work. I was intrigued to see that 42 years ago men were still asking for respect and women were crying out for love. When neither need was met, divorce became the only option. This is the only trailer I could find of this film and an additional link below. If you get a chance watch this and let me know your thoughts.
Movie Synopsis
An unhappy couple discover breaking up really is hard to do in this satiric comedy. Richard Harmon (Dick Van Dyke) and his wife, Barbara (Debbie Reynolds), are a typical married couple in American Suburbia -- which is to say they're not very happy with each other. After 15 years together, Richard and Barbara decide they've reached the end of their collective rope, and after several rounds of marriage counseling proves fruitless, they file for divorce.
Soon they’ll discover divorce may not have been the best decision.
http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/index/?o_cid=mediaroomlink&cid=223598
This weekend, I watched a film Kevin had seen before and found it truly full of insight. For instance, this film, released in 1967, unveiled some very hard truths about marriage, love, singleness and the work that really goes into making a marriage work. I was intrigued to see that 42 years ago men were still asking for respect and women were crying out for love. When neither need was met, divorce became the only option. This is the only trailer I could find of this film and an additional link below. If you get a chance watch this and let me know your thoughts.
Movie Synopsis
An unhappy couple discover breaking up really is hard to do in this satiric comedy. Richard Harmon (Dick Van Dyke) and his wife, Barbara (Debbie Reynolds), are a typical married couple in American Suburbia -- which is to say they're not very happy with each other. After 15 years together, Richard and Barbara decide they've reached the end of their collective rope, and after several rounds of marriage counseling proves fruitless, they file for divorce.
Soon they’ll discover divorce may not have been the best decision.
http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/index/?o_cid=mediaroomlink&cid=223598
Monday, July 27, 2009
Striving for Equality In your Marriage: Wise Men/Women Dare Not Tread
Hey Covenant Groupies,
Got a question for you.
Who's intellectually smarter in your relationship, you or your spouse? I know some of you might say that this a rather silly question, but I ask because during a conversation with a client today we discussed one spouse being smarter than the other in a marriage and how the smarter spouse can quickly become consciously or subconsciously prideful with their intellect; to the point of talking down to their mate. In marriages, there will always be one person "smarter" than the other; whether self-defined or educationally given, but humility must be that person's constant character.
Truthfully, if we saw our marriages Biblically, we shouldn't even consider answering that question in your own relationship. It's like asking who's smarter, God or Jesus? Are they not equal/one? Are you and your spouse not equal/one? Hmmmmmmm. Ponder that one.
Marriage is a space of God-given equality; no one person has the right to assign equality in the relationship. Man came from God, woman came from man and in marriage we are to become one unit with preassigned healthy roles, the way God intended; yet we are so determined to assign unrealistic roles in order to feel better, necessary and in control.
If we operated in accordance to Philippians 2: 1-8, the only need we'd truly have is to ACT in the best interest of our spouse - no matter what.
If we look at it from an elementary classroom perspective, reflect with me on the days when we'd walk into our classrooms for the semester, there would be seating assignments. No sitting next to your best friend. As a matter of fact you would purposely be separated; made to feel uncomfortable. Once you sat in a seat, it was yours. Likewise, once you get married, leave your family and made to feel uncomfortable, your spouse is yours.
Also, if you were not sitting in your seat during roll call, you were considered absent and there'd be an imbalance in the flow of the room. Unfortunately, more often than not the only person that saw the imbalance was the teacher. Likewise, if you step out of your intended role, there's an imbalance in the relationship, an imbalance that creates bitterness, anger, rejection, disrespect and a host of other little foxes. We must reject the notion to be absent in ur relationships just because we don't like our roles today or anymore. The one person always given front row to our need to call an audible is God.
Furthermore, you couldn't sit anywhere else in the classroom without first asking permission; you couldn't usurp the rhythm affixed to the room. Likewise, you can only be who you are in the relationship; find your position and play it. Be ok with it. Love it! In our marriages we must be allowed to be present; our best self in marriages in order to function to full capacity. We can't do that if a spouse is either denying us or are insecure of their position in the relationship to let us be.
Marriage is no place for jealousy, although it does exist. Why? For a host of reason, but personally, I love that Kevin is WAY funnier than me, it frees me to be as corny as I want to be. I used to want that for myself, but I don't anymore. That gift is freely Kevin's and he works it so very well. Why would I want what's not mine?
Finally, switching seats is a far less daunting job than asking or bullying your way into a prominent position of higher intelligence in your relationship; so why ask? Can't we all just get along? Why do we need to focus on our intelligence in the Covenant of marriage? Do we really enjoy our own personal fulfillment exalted at the cost of our spouse's damaged self worth?
Like the Father and the Son, are husband and wife too not equal? Jesus was comfortable being Jesus; he did not grasp to be equal with the Father. He knew His role and did everything to exalt the name, image and character of the Father. He knew who He was and loved it !!
How are you at playing your position?
Got a question for you.
Who's intellectually smarter in your relationship, you or your spouse? I know some of you might say that this a rather silly question, but I ask because during a conversation with a client today we discussed one spouse being smarter than the other in a marriage and how the smarter spouse can quickly become consciously or subconsciously prideful with their intellect; to the point of talking down to their mate. In marriages, there will always be one person "smarter" than the other; whether self-defined or educationally given, but humility must be that person's constant character.
Truthfully, if we saw our marriages Biblically, we shouldn't even consider answering that question in your own relationship. It's like asking who's smarter, God or Jesus? Are they not equal/one? Are you and your spouse not equal/one? Hmmmmmmm. Ponder that one.
Marriage is a space of God-given equality; no one person has the right to assign equality in the relationship. Man came from God, woman came from man and in marriage we are to become one unit with preassigned healthy roles, the way God intended; yet we are so determined to assign unrealistic roles in order to feel better, necessary and in control.
If we operated in accordance to Philippians 2: 1-8, the only need we'd truly have is to ACT in the best interest of our spouse - no matter what.
If we look at it from an elementary classroom perspective, reflect with me on the days when we'd walk into our classrooms for the semester, there would be seating assignments. No sitting next to your best friend. As a matter of fact you would purposely be separated; made to feel uncomfortable. Once you sat in a seat, it was yours. Likewise, once you get married, leave your family and made to feel uncomfortable, your spouse is yours.
Also, if you were not sitting in your seat during roll call, you were considered absent and there'd be an imbalance in the flow of the room. Unfortunately, more often than not the only person that saw the imbalance was the teacher. Likewise, if you step out of your intended role, there's an imbalance in the relationship, an imbalance that creates bitterness, anger, rejection, disrespect and a host of other little foxes. We must reject the notion to be absent in ur relationships just because we don't like our roles today or anymore. The one person always given front row to our need to call an audible is God.
Furthermore, you couldn't sit anywhere else in the classroom without first asking permission; you couldn't usurp the rhythm affixed to the room. Likewise, you can only be who you are in the relationship; find your position and play it. Be ok with it. Love it! In our marriages we must be allowed to be present; our best self in marriages in order to function to full capacity. We can't do that if a spouse is either denying us or are insecure of their position in the relationship to let us be.
Marriage is no place for jealousy, although it does exist. Why? For a host of reason, but personally, I love that Kevin is WAY funnier than me, it frees me to be as corny as I want to be. I used to want that for myself, but I don't anymore. That gift is freely Kevin's and he works it so very well. Why would I want what's not mine?
Finally, switching seats is a far less daunting job than asking or bullying your way into a prominent position of higher intelligence in your relationship; so why ask? Can't we all just get along? Why do we need to focus on our intelligence in the Covenant of marriage? Do we really enjoy our own personal fulfillment exalted at the cost of our spouse's damaged self worth?
Like the Father and the Son, are husband and wife too not equal? Jesus was comfortable being Jesus; he did not grasp to be equal with the Father. He knew His role and did everything to exalt the name, image and character of the Father. He knew who He was and loved it !!
How are you at playing your position?
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