Monday, July 27, 2009

Striving for Equality In your Marriage: Wise Men/Women Dare Not Tread

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Got a question for you.

Who's intellectually smarter in your relationship, you or your spouse? I know some of you might say that this a rather silly question, but I ask because during a conversation with a client today we discussed one spouse being smarter than the other in a marriage and how the smarter spouse can quickly become consciously or subconsciously prideful with their intellect; to the point of talking down to their mate. In marriages, there will always be one person "smarter" than the other; whether self-defined or educationally given, but humility must be that person's constant character.

Truthfully, if we saw our marriages Biblically, we shouldn't even consider answering that question in your own relationship. It's like asking who's smarter, God or Jesus? Are they not equal/one? Are you and your spouse not equal/one? Hmmmmmmm. Ponder that one.

Marriage is a space of God-given equality; no one person has the right to assign equality in the relationship. Man came from God, woman came from man and in marriage we are to become one unit with preassigned healthy roles, the way God intended; yet we are so determined to assign unrealistic roles in order to feel better, necessary and in control.

If we operated in accordance to Philippians 2: 1-8, the only need we'd truly have is to ACT in the best interest of our spouse - no matter what.

If we look at it from an elementary classroom perspective, reflect with me on the days when we'd walk into our classrooms for the semester, there would be seating assignments. No sitting next to your best friend. As a matter of fact you would purposely be separated; made to feel uncomfortable. Once you sat in a seat, it was yours. Likewise, once you get married, leave your family and made to feel uncomfortable, your spouse is yours.

Also, if you were not sitting in your seat during roll call, you were considered absent and there'd be an imbalance in the flow of the room. Unfortunately, more often than not the only person that saw the imbalance was the teacher. Likewise, if you step out of your intended role, there's an imbalance in the relationship, an imbalance that creates bitterness, anger, rejection, disrespect and a host of other little foxes. We must reject the notion to be absent in ur relationships just because we don't like our roles today or anymore. The one person always given front row to our need to call an audible is God.

Furthermore, you couldn't sit anywhere else in the classroom without first asking permission; you couldn't usurp the rhythm affixed to the room. Likewise, you can only be who you are in the relationship; find your position and play it. Be ok with it. Love it! In our marriages we must be allowed to be present; our best self in marriages in order to function to full capacity. We can't do that if a spouse is either denying us or are insecure of their position in the relationship to let us be.

Marriage is no place for jealousy, although it does exist. Why? For a host of reason, but personally, I love that Kevin is WAY funnier than me, it frees me to be as corny as I want to be. I used to want that for myself, but I don't anymore. That gift is freely Kevin's and he works it so very well. Why would I want what's not mine?

Finally, switching seats is a far less daunting job than asking or bullying your way into a prominent position of higher intelligence in your relationship; so why ask? Can't we all just get along? Why do we need to focus on our intelligence in the Covenant of marriage? Do we really enjoy our own personal fulfillment exalted at the cost of our spouse's damaged self worth?

Like the Father and the Son, are husband and wife too not equal? Jesus was comfortable being Jesus; he did not grasp to be equal with the Father. He knew His role and did everything to exalt the name, image and character of the Father. He knew who He was and loved it !!

How are you at playing your position?

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