Hey Covenant Groupies,
I was recently reading the Huffington post and found this article by Tabby Biddle. folks are always trying to redefine things to make life better for them. Although, I don't requre easy, very rarely do I debate the need most folks have. Oftentimes, I applaud those who invent, create and sacrifice to ease our lives. But when it comes to marriage, let's not touch it. It has existed on a foundation that's outlasted our grand, great-grand and great-great grandparents and will outlast us too. Marriage doesn't need to change, our perspectives, outlook and reality about what God created when the world began has to.
Read the article and let us know your thoughts.
Probably many of us can agree that for much of the 20th century the archetypal gender roles of marriage were: husband as breadwinner and protector and wife as homemaker and mother. Even if a woman was working, there was an unspoken code about the roles a husband and wife would assume upon being married. But over the recent couple of decades, due to economic and socio-political changes, that code can no longer be assumed and more to the point -- is in a process of reconstruction. Add to this that same sex marriages and partnerships are causing many to reexamine our suppositions about marriage.
Last week in The New York Times, writer/performer Sandra Tsing Loh wrote an opinion piece entitled "My So-Called Wife" discussing the changing roles of men and women in marriage. "I don't know how it's going for my sisters, but as my 40s and Verizon bills and mortgage payments roll on, I seem to have an ever more recurring 1950s housewife fantasy," says Sandra, the main breadwinner in her first of marriage of 13 years and now the main breadwinner again with a new partner.
The conversation on this topic is hot right now because a recent study by the Pew Research Center, entitled "The Rise of Wives," found that while men overall still earn more than women, wives are now the primary breadwinner in 22 percent of couples, up from seven percent in 1970.
I look at this and think, Okay, that means that 78 percent of husbands are still the primary breadwinner in families ... why is everyone making a big deal about these numbers? Then I realize that as it becomes an increasingly common situation for a woman to make more money than her husband, this rattles the very foundation of our belief system about marriage.
In our household, while my husband is still the main breadwinner, he is also the one who takes care of the home. He does the cooking, laundry, etc. He considers cooking a masculine activity, or at least not a gender-specific one.
(I do want to point out here that while my husband enjoys a lot of domestic duties, he draws the line at some things. "I don't think I'd pull the vacuum out if you had a bunch of your girlfriends over. That might be a little embarrassing.")
Some day our roles might switch and I could be the main breadwinner. The idea of being the main breadwinner sounds exhilarating to me. However, I wonder ... when I am there, will I still feel the same way? How deep does the "husband" and "wife" archetypal programming go?
Tara Parker-Pope, health and wellness columnist for The New York Times, poses the question in a recent article: [Is] a financially successful woman a threat to her husband or a relief?
I have one male friend who insists that while his ex-wife may not admit it, the demise of their marriage began when she started making more money than him. "She lost respect for me," he said. And from there, a host of other problems ensued.
In Gary Zukav's book, The Seat of the Soul, he argues that the old archetype of marriage is no longer functional. He says it is being replaced with a new archetype that is designed to assist spiritual growth. Instead of marrying for physical security, couples are coming together to assist in their mate's evolution and spiritual growth process. In other words, a shift toward an archetype of sacred partnership.
It's hard to deny that the circumstances affecting modern-day marriages have changed. Perhaps what needs to happen is a complete disassembling of the old notions of marriage and assumed roles of husband and wife, so we can start anew.
How to do this? In my own marriage - one step and one day at a time.
While redefining archetypes may not be easy for every couple, it may be worth it for the benefits of personal growth and marriages that are more meaningful ... and that last longer.
What do you think?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tonight's Dinner-No Pressure
Hey Covenant Groupies,
I've always loved to cook. My mother taught her three children early on how to take care of themselves. In recent years, it's amazing to me how God has given me a heart, after a day of running a business, to cook for Kevin. I cook everyday and love it.
Kevin makes it easy too. If I sound or look a little tired he quickly offers to eat cereal or to make his own meal; that I don't like. I believe, after a day of working hard, a man deserves a warm wife and a HOT meal.
Anyhoo, today was one of those days. I was tired, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him. So I druged through and committed to cook. Unfortunately, the ground turkey I thawed smelled a bit funny and I tossed it.
Plan B - TUNA!!!! He was like a kid in a candy store. He was so inderstanding. Tuna is one of his favorites. Not everybody's - just mine LOL!
I guess when there's no pressure and pure appreciation, serving becomes such a pleasure.
Take the pressure off, choose to appreciate your spouse, be content with their giving/service and watch what happens.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
I've always loved to cook. My mother taught her three children early on how to take care of themselves. In recent years, it's amazing to me how God has given me a heart, after a day of running a business, to cook for Kevin. I cook everyday and love it.
Kevin makes it easy too. If I sound or look a little tired he quickly offers to eat cereal or to make his own meal; that I don't like. I believe, after a day of working hard, a man deserves a warm wife and a HOT meal.
Anyhoo, today was one of those days. I was tired, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him. So I druged through and committed to cook. Unfortunately, the ground turkey I thawed smelled a bit funny and I tossed it.
Plan B - TUNA!!!! He was like a kid in a candy store. He was so inderstanding. Tuna is one of his favorites. Not everybody's - just mine LOL!
I guess when there's no pressure and pure appreciation, serving becomes such a pleasure.
Take the pressure off, choose to appreciate your spouse, be content with their giving/service and watch what happens.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
QUESTION OF THE DAY!
Hey Covenant Groupies,
Last night Kevin and I were having a discussion about how far we've come in the 10 years we've been together. I don't know how we got on the subject, but Kevin brought up how in his daily travels, he's often confronted with the ways women dress. He talked about how difficult it is to stay focused when the other men around him are often talking about other women. This wasn't always the case, he couldn't always have this type of conversation with me. I didn't think it was "normal" for a man to discuss his lust issues with his woman. But God...
I understood and empathized with him. This is a known struggle for most, if not all men. I know my husband and I know his weaknesses, and for him to share them with me was great. However, I couldn't help but wonder where I stood on the topic, as his wife. I thank God that I'm not a jealous woman, nonethless, I ALWAYS want to be the sexiest, bravest, smartest, most dignified woman to him, but I'm not delirious to the fact that other women catch his eye.
Although, as he talked, I did wonder how I could help him in this area of his life. I can't imagine being made to admire, hunt after and be determined to capture a woman, find one and then put all of those instincts on hold. You can't put them to rest completely, but mainatining them must be quite difficult.
Do you find it difficult to hav this conversation with your wife? How empathetic could you be if your husband shared his struggle with you, honestly and then asked for your help make you feel?
Last night Kevin and I were having a discussion about how far we've come in the 10 years we've been together. I don't know how we got on the subject, but Kevin brought up how in his daily travels, he's often confronted with the ways women dress. He talked about how difficult it is to stay focused when the other men around him are often talking about other women. This wasn't always the case, he couldn't always have this type of conversation with me. I didn't think it was "normal" for a man to discuss his lust issues with his woman. But God...
I understood and empathized with him. This is a known struggle for most, if not all men. I know my husband and I know his weaknesses, and for him to share them with me was great. However, I couldn't help but wonder where I stood on the topic, as his wife. I thank God that I'm not a jealous woman, nonethless, I ALWAYS want to be the sexiest, bravest, smartest, most dignified woman to him, but I'm not delirious to the fact that other women catch his eye.
Although, as he talked, I did wonder how I could help him in this area of his life. I can't imagine being made to admire, hunt after and be determined to capture a woman, find one and then put all of those instincts on hold. You can't put them to rest completely, but mainatining them must be quite difficult.
Do you find it difficult to hav this conversation with your wife? How empathetic could you be if your husband shared his struggle with you, honestly and then asked for your help make you feel?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Covenant Marriage: Can you upgrade to it?
Hey Covenant Groupies,
How ya'll doin? I am still on a high from the amazing Anniversary weekend, which ended yesterday. Lord, I love that man!!!!!!
Anyhoo, on to our post. I found this the other day and thought this would be of great interest to you. The Government has given Covenant Marriages a start date, place, reasons to dissolve marriage and current year. What?????????
Covenant Marriage: An Upgrade on 'Regular' Marriage
When a man and a woman are ready to make a commitment to one another they take the final step, marriage.
Or at least that used to be the only option. Now they can choose to have a marriage (including civil and religious), or a covenant marriage.
Most people know what a marriage entails, a man and a woman of age are joined in a legal contract that can be broken by either party. There are benefits to taking such a step, including tax benefits, government benefits and employment benefits.
What additional benefits are there for a covenant marriage? More tax breaks? Additional government/employment benefits? Not quite.
What then is the reason for covenant marriages? It is intended to fight divorce, renew commitment, and "strengthen families." A covenant marriage is more difficult to dissolve than a "regular" marriage. An existing marriage can be "upgraded" to a Covenant Marriage.
There are 8 reasons a court can grant a divorce to a couple in a covenant marriage.
1. A spouse commits adultery.
2. A spouse commits a felony committed and sentenced to death or imprisonment.
3. A spouse abandoned by the other for at least 1 year before filing
4. Physical or sexual abuse of spouse, child, a relative of either spouse permanently living with them, or domestic violence/emotional abuse.
5. The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for at least two years before the filing for divorce.
6. The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for at least one year from the date of a legal separation.
7. A spouse has habitually abused drugs or alcohol.
8. The husband and wife both agree to a dissolution of marriage.
The reasons for a legal separation are a little different, but also limited.
In addition to the normal regulations for marriage, a couple wishing to enter a covenant marriage must receive pre-marital counseling from a member of the clergy or a marriage counselor, and sign a "declaration" indicating their intent.
The declaration reads as follows:
We solemnly declare that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman who agree to live together as husband and wife for as long as they both live. We have chosen each other carefully and have received premarital counseling on the nature, purposes and responsibilities of marriage. We understand that a covenant marriage is for life. If we experience marital difficulties, we commit ourselves to take all reasonable efforts to preserve our marriage, including marital counseling.
Covenant marriages (in the U.S.) started in Louisiana in 1987, and have since spread to Arizona and Arkansas.
How ya'll doin? I am still on a high from the amazing Anniversary weekend, which ended yesterday. Lord, I love that man!!!!!!
Anyhoo, on to our post. I found this the other day and thought this would be of great interest to you. The Government has given Covenant Marriages a start date, place, reasons to dissolve marriage and current year. What?????????
Covenant Marriage: An Upgrade on 'Regular' Marriage
When a man and a woman are ready to make a commitment to one another they take the final step, marriage.
Or at least that used to be the only option. Now they can choose to have a marriage (including civil and religious), or a covenant marriage.
Most people know what a marriage entails, a man and a woman of age are joined in a legal contract that can be broken by either party. There are benefits to taking such a step, including tax benefits, government benefits and employment benefits.
What additional benefits are there for a covenant marriage? More tax breaks? Additional government/employment benefits? Not quite.
What then is the reason for covenant marriages? It is intended to fight divorce, renew commitment, and "strengthen families." A covenant marriage is more difficult to dissolve than a "regular" marriage. An existing marriage can be "upgraded" to a Covenant Marriage.
There are 8 reasons a court can grant a divorce to a couple in a covenant marriage.
1. A spouse commits adultery.
2. A spouse commits a felony committed and sentenced to death or imprisonment.
3. A spouse abandoned by the other for at least 1 year before filing
4. Physical or sexual abuse of spouse, child, a relative of either spouse permanently living with them, or domestic violence/emotional abuse.
5. The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for at least two years before the filing for divorce.
6. The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for at least one year from the date of a legal separation.
7. A spouse has habitually abused drugs or alcohol.
8. The husband and wife both agree to a dissolution of marriage.
The reasons for a legal separation are a little different, but also limited.
In addition to the normal regulations for marriage, a couple wishing to enter a covenant marriage must receive pre-marital counseling from a member of the clergy or a marriage counselor, and sign a "declaration" indicating their intent.
The declaration reads as follows:
We solemnly declare that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman who agree to live together as husband and wife for as long as they both live. We have chosen each other carefully and have received premarital counseling on the nature, purposes and responsibilities of marriage. We understand that a covenant marriage is for life. If we experience marital difficulties, we commit ourselves to take all reasonable efforts to preserve our marriage, including marital counseling.
Covenant marriages (in the U.S.) started in Louisiana in 1987, and have since spread to Arizona and Arkansas.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Anniversary Weekend!!!!!!!
Hey Covenant Groupies,
No posting today. Spending time with hubby and doing nothing in particular but thanking God for His gift of marriage. Back on Monday.
No posting today. Spending time with hubby and doing nothing in particular but thanking God for His gift of marriage. Back on Monday.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Your Need Has to be to Meet Their Needs
Hey Covenant Groupies,
You know, I love scripture and how it ALWAYS forces us to think, contemplate and be aware how ill-informed we are when we make decisions.
I read Luke 10:27 today which says, "You Must Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and with all your mind, And Love Your Neighbor as You Love Yourself." Ok, we've all read this many times, right? But today, the Lord had me comtemplate, in relation to the "Question of the Day" yesterday on this as it relates to our marriage.
Do we look at and receive our spouses as our neighbors? Do we truly love them as we love ourselves?
My commentary exponds on this scripture by saying, "We must love God with all our hearts, must look upon him as the best of beings, in himself most amiable, and infinitely perfect and excellent; as one whom we lie under the greatest obligations to, both in gratitude and interest. We must prize him, and value ourselves by our elation to him; must please ourselves in him, and devote ourselves entirely to him. Our love to him must be sincere, hearty, and fervent; it must be a superlative love, a love that is as strong as death, but an intelligent love, and such as we can give a good account of the grounds and reasons of. It must be an entire love; he must have our whole souls, and must be served with all that is within us... We must love our neighbors as ourselves, which we shall easily do, if we as we ought to do, love God BETTER than ourselves. We must wish well to all and ill to none; must do all the good we can in the world and no hurt, and must fix it as a rule to ourselves to do others as we would they should do to us; and this is to love our neightbor as ourselves.
Again I ask, are we loving our spouses better than ourselves? Obviously we can't if we haven't given our entire souls to God, become subordinate to him, until we prize him accordingly and more.
You know, I love scripture and how it ALWAYS forces us to think, contemplate and be aware how ill-informed we are when we make decisions.
I read Luke 10:27 today which says, "You Must Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and with all your mind, And Love Your Neighbor as You Love Yourself." Ok, we've all read this many times, right? But today, the Lord had me comtemplate, in relation to the "Question of the Day" yesterday on this as it relates to our marriage.
Do we look at and receive our spouses as our neighbors? Do we truly love them as we love ourselves?
My commentary exponds on this scripture by saying, "We must love God with all our hearts, must look upon him as the best of beings, in himself most amiable, and infinitely perfect and excellent; as one whom we lie under the greatest obligations to, both in gratitude and interest. We must prize him, and value ourselves by our elation to him; must please ourselves in him, and devote ourselves entirely to him. Our love to him must be sincere, hearty, and fervent; it must be a superlative love, a love that is as strong as death, but an intelligent love, and such as we can give a good account of the grounds and reasons of. It must be an entire love; he must have our whole souls, and must be served with all that is within us... We must love our neighbors as ourselves, which we shall easily do, if we as we ought to do, love God BETTER than ourselves. We must wish well to all and ill to none; must do all the good we can in the world and no hurt, and must fix it as a rule to ourselves to do others as we would they should do to us; and this is to love our neightbor as ourselves.
Again I ask, are we loving our spouses better than ourselves? Obviously we can't if we haven't given our entire souls to God, become subordinate to him, until we prize him accordingly and more.
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