UTTER NONSENSE: Redefining Marriage in California

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Check out this UTTER NONSENSE. We need to be on the lookout because if this passes in California, it may be headed to our states next.


More than 40 Calif.-based groups are backing a new effort to strike out language in the state constitution that defines marriage between a man and a woman.
The groups – led by Los Angeles-based Love Honor Cherish – filed a new ballot proposal with the State of California Thursday as a first step toward getting a measure that redefines marriage on the November 2010 ballot.

To increase the chances of success, the groups are also proposing language that would bar courts from requiring religious ministers to perform any marriage in violation of their beliefs.

“The refusal to perform a marriage under this provision shall not be the basis for lawsuit or liability, and shall not affect the tax-exempt status of any religious denomination, church or other religious institution,” the proposed language states.
While leaders of the new drive believe they can change the hearts and minds of enough Californians in the next 14 months, the state’s largest gay rights group, Equality California, along with several other established groups, say more work needs to be done before bringing the battle back to the ballot.

Furthermore, with Californians gearing up to elect a new governor next year, the chances of success may be even slimmer as conservatives are expected to turn out in larger numbers.

Despite the challenges, leaders of the new initiative insist that they’ll be ready.
“Prop 8 passed with only 52 percent of the vote,” said John Henning, executive director of Love Honor Cherish, referring the California amendment the defined marriage between a man and a woman. “In the next 14 months, with hard work and inspiration, we can change the small percentage of hearts and minds that we need to win.”

Traditional marriage advocates, meanwhile, say their supporters will be ready to again defend marriage successfully whether it's in 2010 or 2012.

ProtectMarriage.com, a broad-based coalition of California families, community leaders, religious leaders, pro-family organizations and individuals, is working aggressively to "educate the public and to help the public continue to understand the very vital role that marriage plays in our civil society," according to its executive director, Ron Prentice.

"While the other side issues many press releases about their activity, we are quietly but effectively building on our majority in California," he stated recently.
Groups supporting the latest pro-gay marriage effort include Stonewall Democrats/Los Angeles, the Latino Equality Alliance, the Mexican American Bar Association, and the San Diego Alliance for Marriage Equality.

Fireproof Date Night - Never Leave Your Partner Behind

Hey Covenant Groupies,

As we watched “Fireproof” this past Friday with our church, the movie continues to remind me of so many things that require so much of us as humans, such as: keeping the parasites out of our marriages, making sure there’s no gossip about your spouse to your family, co-workers and friends, live with a heart of selfless sacrifice, recognize and keep abreast of the many differences between men and women, our Covenant marriage vows, unconditional love and respect amongst many other things.

This film covered every area that the enemy would seek to destroy and cause self justified division. The slogan “Never Leave Your Partner Behind,” makes all the sense in the world each time I’ve watched the movie. Far too often, we find couples that have purposefully left their partners behind whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, psychologically; they have just checked out.

How do we get them back? I believe, that’s where unconditional love and respect come in – this is the ability to seek God’s love and respect and wash our spouses in it – regardless of their response. That’s the largest Christian message in this film and should be how we determine to live our lives daily. It’s difficult and will most certainly challenge us, but God has created and chosen us to live out this type of honor, not only towards Him, but more importantly, here on earth, to our spouses.

Also, take a look at our Pastor's most recent sermon and share your thoughts.

LIFE LESSON 14: BE CHRIST TO YOUR UNSAVED HUSBAND from David Randolph Holder on Vimeo.

Marriage Doesn't Take a Day Off - But I do

Hey Covenant Groupies,

I took a break from blogging today in order to spend time with my honey - just because. It was a holiday, so I hope you did as well.

Will be back tomorrow with a goodie!!!!

Lesson in Respect: A Walk in My Husbands Shoes - LITERALLY

Hey Covenant Groupies,

A year ago today the movie “Fireproof” was release and became the #1 selling Christian film of 2008. Last night our marriage ministry at NYCC had an amazing night hosting a “Fireproof” Movie Date Night with about 20 couples. The discussion afterwards was terrific as well. When we wrapped up Kevin took the men aside to offer them a challenge in loving their wives and I, in turn, pulled the women aside and offered them a challenge to respect their husbands more. The challenge was well received. Little did I know that I would have the opportunity to act upon my challenge immediately.

As we dispersed for the evening Kevin and I were running to catch the train and I quickly realized how chilly it was outside and my feet were cold in my open-toed shoes. However, I said nothing. By the time we go to our next stop, I mentioned to Kevin that I was cold because my feet were cold. His first response was, “I don’t want you to be cold, so why don’t you put my shoes on.” He carried an extra pair to work that morning. Now, from time to time, we’d laugh about how, although a little big, I could fit his shoes. These were his soft bottom suede loafers that I’ve always loved on him, that are a bit worn, but I never wanted to wear his shoes, LITERALLY, I was just cold.

So, without further reservation, I put them on. Here I was thinking I just wanted warm feet, but instead I got a unique opportunity to walk in my husbands shoes. Almost every step I took I looked down and saw the hours Kevin stands on his feet, the miles he takes to ride on public transportation, the dedication he puts in daily to provide for our family. What does he think about when he wears these shoes was one of my thoughts. I wanted him to know what my thoughts were as I wore HIS shoes, but instead, I glowed. I was able to RESPECT and empathize with what he goes though each day dealing with people and their attitudes as his feet hurt from the constant movement of wanting to be the best man he aspires to be.

There’s love, history, commitment, dedication, desire, passion, truth and tirelessness in those shoes, and I got a chance to wear them. What an honor! I felt proud wearing my husbands shoes; his symbol of provision, protection and choice.

Although I was able to walk in his shoes for a very short time, I’ve not been called to carry out his responsibilities, however, I also understand that there are things I can do to make his life a heck of a lot easier.

I commit to:
• Rub his feet more
• Continue to thank him for working
• Go out and buy him a nice warm comfortable pair of slippers (although he
will fight me on this)
• Empathize when he says he’s tired from walking
• Remember that evening as God’s way of giving me a peek into the daily
journey of my husband

Get Over the Obama Marriage Fantasy

Hey Covenant Groupies,

Check out this great article.

If you are one of the legions of people sick to death of all the commentary about the state of black male/female relationships told through the Obama Example feel free to bypass this essay. If you’re among those sick to death of seeing single, professional black women blamed for the sorry state of those relationships then read on.

Let’s start with President Barack Obama, the admirably great husband and dad in chief. If he is going to be the standard around which the debate around black relationship revolves, then here is one pertinent question not being asked enough: Why did Barack choose Michelle, and not, say, a Halle Berry or Beyoncé?

After all, Michelle doesn’t fit that stereotypical ideal. Many black men would find her dual Ivy League degrees threatening. Her self-confidence and assertiveness? Emasculating. The fact that she put Barack through many paces and required him to earn her love and respect? Bossy and demanding. Not so for Barack. Few could argue that he made a smart decision. Yet, we’re supposed to believe that Michelle, the prototypical highly accomplished black woman, has a rare level of wisdom that eludes other black women when it comes to choosing a mate?

Let’s be real. The reason that many black women with backgrounds similar to Michelle Obama’s aren’t married is not because they would not give similarly skinny, big-eared, smart guys a chance: It’s because there aren’t enough of those guys to go around. Smart women are smart enough to snatch them up. That’s why there aren’t millions of Barack Obama clones walking around wondering why no black woman will have them.



Knowing why Michelle chose Barack won't help you find a mate.

If you are one of the legions of people sick to death of all the commentary about the state of black male/female relationships told through the Obama Example feel free to bypass this essay. If you’re among those sick to death of seeing single, professional black women blamed for the sorry state of those relationships then read on.

Let’s start with President Barack Obama, the admirably great husband and dad in chief. If he is going to be the standard around which the debate around black relationship revolves, then here is one pertinent question not being asked enough: Why did Barack choose Michelle, and not, say, a Halle Berry or Beyoncé?

After all, Michelle doesn’t fit that stereotypical ideal. Many black men would find her dual Ivy League degrees threatening. Her self-confidence and assertiveness? Emasculating. The fact that she put Barack through many paces and required him to earn her love and respect? Bossy and demanding. Not so for Barack. Few could argue that he made a smart decision. Yet, we’re supposed to believe that Michelle, the prototypical highly accomplished black woman, has a rare level of wisdom that eludes other black women when it comes to choosing a mate?

Let’s be real. The reason that many black women with backgrounds similar to Michelle Obama’s aren’t married is not because they would not give similarly skinny, big-eared, smart guys a chance: It’s because there aren’t enough of those guys to go around. Smart women are smart enough to snatch them up. That’s why there aren’t millions of Barack Obama clones walking around wondering why no black woman will have them.

Two businesses, one marriage - can it work?

Hey Covenant Groupies,

I found this wonderful article in FORTUNE Small Business and it reminded me of Kevin and me as we live and work side by side every day. WE LOVE WORKING TOGETHER!!!! However, we've found tons of couples who are absolutely against such tom-foolery LOL!!

Read the brief article below and tell me if you could you possibly work with your spouse daily?


(FORTUNE Small Business) --

Dear FSB: My husband and I manage separate small businesses. Will this hurt or help my marriage?
- Reykah, San Diego

Dear Reykah: Having two CEOs in the house can actually be less stressful than cohabiting and sharing management of the same business, says Kathy Marshack, a psychologist and family business coach in Vancouver, Wash.

Spouses with separate businesses "can be successful in their own regard and share their successes with one another without feeling like they are in competition," she says.

However, our experts admit that it's rare to have two CEOs at the helm of a household - and they recommend a few strategies to help prevent tension.
Being a small business owner is often a 24/7 job. Family Business Institute president Wayne Rivers suggests sitting down with your spouse to discuss familial responsibilities. For instance, who will handle the household duties, such as cooking and cleaning? Who will take care of the kids if one has to stay home sick?
"Love is not enough to get you through everything," he says. "Crystal clear over-communication should be the rule of the day."
Unlimited Partnership: Five couples' stories

If your spouse owns a business in your industry, it's important to establish professional boundaries. While writing her book, Entrepreneurial Couples: Making it Work at Work and at Home, Marshack studied a husband and wife who each owned trucking brokerages. New business was up for grabs, but the married couple agreed never to go after each other's clients.

As many of the pairs in our cover package on entrepreneurial couples do, married CEOs should set aside no-business-talk time and vacations.

Michelle Hege, COO and partner at public relations firm Desautel Hege Communications, keeps business chat to a minimum during her regular Saturday date night with husband Richard Beaven, co-owner of Signia Capital Management. However, she values the fact that Richard understands firsthand the trials and tribulations of running a business.

"You can talk about an issue with clients, or finances, and you have a live-in counselor who can contribute perspective and talk you down off the ledge," she says. If one half of this Spokane couple has to end a business trip or meeting early to look after their four-year-old son, Cadane, the other one agrees to make that sacrifice the next time around.

One item of business that Rivers suggests you plan and discuss with your entrepreneurial spouse is your exit strategy - especially if you envision a retirement spent enjoying time together.

"If your spouse is going to work another 10 years, you can't spend that retirement time together," warns Rivers.

Rivers cautions that problems may arise from personality clashes.

"If they are both CEOs, there's a chance that each has a domineering personality," Rivers says. "They've got to figure out how to switch that off or, at least, compromise."

However, Marshack believes that headstrong personalities can contribute to a healthy marriage.

"When you've got two boss-type people, they are pretty good at negotiating deals - even in the home," she says.

Saving Black Marriages: Does it Take a Village

Hey Covenant Groupies,

I read an interesting article on CNN.com and wanted to share it with you.


WASHINGTON (CNN) -- From the outside, Johnny and Shanna Woodbury looked like the perfect couple. They had been married 13 years, owned multiple properties and were successful managers. They also had four beautiful children -- a son and a daughter fresh out of college they had prior to getting married and a 12-year-old daughter on the cheerleading team and an 8-year-old son on the honor roll.
Together they had built and moved into their 7,200-square-foot dream home in Prince George's County, Maryland, with five bedrooms, six bathrooms, two sunrooms and a basement. Both were Christians who regularly attended the New Samaritan Baptist Church.

But privately, the Woodburys' marriage was in turmoil.

"I love my husband" said Shanna Woodbury of their marriage. "But I feel so overworked and underappreciated. I work full-time like my husband, but if I don't maintain the domestic responsibilities of the house, nothing gets done. Added to that, I manage our rental properties and take care of everything for our kids, alone."

Her husband started to echo similar frustrations.

"I'm faithful to my wife, I give her my whole paycheck but I work the late shift and my job is demanding. When I come home, I don't need to hear her mouth -- I just need to watch my favorite football game in peace."

Shanna grows more overwhelmed, tempers flare and the two begin arguing more and listening less. Tension took over their home and their fighting began to take a toll on the rest of the family, resulting in disciplinary issues with the kids.
"I realized my family was dysfunctional," says Shanna Woodbury. "But we also knew that divorce was not an option."

The Woodburys knew they needed help. So a friend introduced them to Basic Training for Couples -- a class that had helped pull their friends' marriage back from the brink of divorce.

Shanna and Johnny Woodbury enrolled.

"Marriage is one of those entities that you have to know going in, it will be hard, but you're not alone," says Dr. Rozario Slack, speaking to an audience at a couples graduation.

Slack, a pastor and relationship consultant, is the co-creator of the "Basic Training for Couples Curriculum" and co-author of "10 Great Dates for Black Couples."
"I grew tired of the statistics and when I look at my children, I knew I had to do something to prevent marriage from becoming a dinosaur in our community," says Slack
There are many influences that have shaped, affected or strained black marriages, according to marriage and family experts. Among them: African tribal traditions, the horrors of slavery, racial integration in the U.S. that paved the way to more freedoms and the migrations of thousands of African-Americans that fractured or reshaped communities.

"Moving from one community to another could affect marriage because it disrupts social ties," says Andrew Cherlin, a professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University and author of the landmark book, "The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today."
"Migration separates people from friends and relatives who could help them through family crisis," says Cherlin.

Black couples in crisis inspired Slack and Nisa Muhammad to create Basic Training for Couples. The free eight-week program educates dating, engaged or married couples in groups of five to 15. The lessons cover the value of commitment, responsibility to the black community, psychological differences between the sexes, sexual intimacy and conflict resolution.

Slack created the male-friendly portion while Muhammad, who founded National Black Marriage Day and the Wedded Bliss Foundation, created the female-friendly portion.
"Marriage belongs to the community," says Muhammad. "An unhealthy marriage relationship gives children an inaccurate representation of marriage, which they in turn replicate for generations."

In the program, couples also learn about the history of the African-American marriage and many for the first time plot their family tree to trace marriage and divorces.

"We do this to help them understand: Is there any support for their marriage in their family?" says Muhammad. "Who are the role models? Do they see women who are great successful wives? Are there men that are great successful husbands or a brotherhood of husbands? If not, the members of the class become their community of support because we all want the same thing -- successful marriages."

The group support is key in Basic Training. Occasionally the facilitators divide the class into gender groups. This encourages the men and women to openly express their struggles without inhibitions and gives them the opportunity to offer advice and hold each other accountable.

And, the lessons don't end after the eight-week course. The couples are empowered to go back to their communities and bring awareness to other couples. They also plan outings, from game nights to sleepovers for the women.

Since taking the class, the Woodburys have gone from co-existing with each other to having a marriage that is stronger than it has ever been. They have also met friends and other couples that will help them stay strong.

"We have become better parents because for the first time we are on one accord, and there is far less arguing for our children to witness," Shanna Woodbury told CNN. "At the end, our children have been the biggest benefactors and for that we are grateful."