Hey covenant Groupies,
In James 1:2-4, the scripture says, “Count it all joy when we fall into divers temptations (various trials); knowing this, that the trying of your faith (testing) worketh (produces) patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire (complete) wanting (lacking) nothing.”
The scripture doesn’t say IF, but WHEN we go through something, we are to allow the trial to grow us spiritually; our allowance will make way for our perfection. Not perfection as in; blameless, sinless, or holier than thou, but mature in faith. Like wise, we aren’t to enjoy the trial; that would be crazy, but we are to see the victory that God has in store for “those who love Him.” Marriages are one of those areas of our lives that trials and temptations will test us and test us BIG!
In 2008 Kevin and I were testing in such a way that it frightened the both of us. When we were dating Kevin said to me that he wouldn’t know how he’d make it if his mother passed away. Well, she had been sick since we’d been married, I’d always prayed about being a source of hope, love and strength whenever it happened. So, guess our surprise when we got a call May 2008 saying that Mom was I the hospital. Because we hadn’t been informed of any sickness, we thought we were just going to visit. Instead she was hooked to ventilator, she couldn’t breathe on her own, her limbs were dying, there was no brain function, her kidney’s weren’t functioning. She was dying. WHAT?!!!!!!!!
SIDE NOTE: My mother-in-law was the best at the game of mother-in-law’s. This woman, literally, took me by the hand and truly introduced me to her son. She shared the good, bad, ugly of this man, because, she admitted that most of them came from her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until later in life that she realized that some of her habits were wrong. To right her wrong, she gave me thorough insight to my husband and how to deal with him in a manner often undeserving of his particular ways. Ultimately, what she did was give me an avenue in which to afford my husband more forgiveness than I could normally or would want to muster up. How loving is that? She took total responsibility for the negative influences she bestowed upon her son; influences that she knew would or could wreck our marriage.
Yes, two days after Kevin and I arrived at the hospital, his Mom passed away and I was left with the man who had no clue what he’d do without his mother. He was left with a wife who was afraid for his mental health. Despite the fact that Kevin was not a momma’s boy, his mom made sure of that, Kevin was extremely close to her and her to him. It was the interactions between the two of them that I found fertile ground to grow in love with Kevin. But god was so Good. The very next Sunday we were at church and Kevin was KEVIN. We were able to talk openly about mom and how much we missed her. That's God. That's answered prayer!!
So, I guess, in all likelihood, we should seek out ways to best prepare ourselves for such inevitabilities. This, one of our many trials, really pulled Kevin and I together in ways that we never thought it could. We found out who we were for and with one another. We recognized that our trials have become the perfect discipline to rid our faith of any impurities and all falsehood; because they delivered to us, on a platter, who we really are individually and as a couple. No, as a couple, we’re not perfect, but we have been matured and will continue to be available for more growth.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Great Marital Divide: Roles, Duties and Chores Part #2
Hey Covenant Groupies,
Kevin and I often talk about how at some point couples, including ourselves, will or have disagree(d) about roles, duties and chores. Why do we not take hold of the guidebook that lays out the truth of our duties, roles and some of our chores? Why do we insist on fighting this fight as if we don’t know what we’re supposed to do? Is it pride, is it ego or is it control? Conversely, when we get a new job and we’re given the work manual, we read it frequently so we don’t disappoint our boss, increase the knowledge of our jobs and decrease our chances of losing our jobs. We don’t fight him/her or disagree with our assigned roles and duties. Doesn’t it seem strange that we’ll fight God concerning the role and duties he’s assigned us? Huuuuuuum!
Biblical Roles
Husbands
Spiritual Leader Protector Provider
Head
Savior
Loving
Wives
Respector
Help Meet Comforter
Nurturer
Receiver of the Word
Caretaker
Chores
No where in the above list of biblical roles does it say that husbands are forever deemed the garbage-taker- outers or that wives are forever subordinated to scrubbing the floors. Society, however, has told us that we are entitled to fight about who cooks, does dishes, laundry, mop the floor etc. These are not roles, these are chores. Chores are about how we want our homes to be defined, chores are to benefit the home not just the people living in it, and they are meant to be shared.
Sometimes, chores even force us to be sacrificial and take on your spouses chores.
In marriage, chores are about love, consideration, unity and peace. I cook dinner, Kevin cooks breakfast; I take out trash, so does Kevin, I do laundry, so does Kevin, I mop, so does Kevin; I do the majority of the house cleaning (bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen etc.) and so does he when he has a moment and I don’t make him feel bad about it and we grocery shop together. To underline it, we make sure it’s not our gender that defines our chores, but our hearts.
When we look at the duties of husbands and wives, we can take a look at 1 Peter 3: 1-7 and find:
Biblical Duties
Wives
Trust in God
Quiet Spirit
Subjection to Husband
Respect
Husbands
Trust in God
Cohabitation
Dwelling in...Knowledge
Giving Honor
Why these duties, you may ask? Because God takes notice and records the actions of all men and women.
Embracing our marital duties, roles and chores will continue to be a chain around our necks until and unless we commit to truly divorcing ourselves and humbly submit to thinking of our spouse more and ourselves less. It’s transformative journey that God desires to take us on. We must, either accept that God does know what’s best for us or commit to living in a perpetual state of pain, disillusion, hurt, fear just to name a few. Believe me the former proves that God will truly get the glory, not us.
Kevin and I often talk about how at some point couples, including ourselves, will or have disagree(d) about roles, duties and chores. Why do we not take hold of the guidebook that lays out the truth of our duties, roles and some of our chores? Why do we insist on fighting this fight as if we don’t know what we’re supposed to do? Is it pride, is it ego or is it control? Conversely, when we get a new job and we’re given the work manual, we read it frequently so we don’t disappoint our boss, increase the knowledge of our jobs and decrease our chances of losing our jobs. We don’t fight him/her or disagree with our assigned roles and duties. Doesn’t it seem strange that we’ll fight God concerning the role and duties he’s assigned us? Huuuuuuum!
Biblical Roles
Husbands
Spiritual Leader Protector Provider
Head
Savior
Loving
Wives
Respector
Help Meet Comforter
Nurturer
Receiver of the Word
Caretaker
Chores
No where in the above list of biblical roles does it say that husbands are forever deemed the garbage-taker- outers or that wives are forever subordinated to scrubbing the floors. Society, however, has told us that we are entitled to fight about who cooks, does dishes, laundry, mop the floor etc. These are not roles, these are chores. Chores are about how we want our homes to be defined, chores are to benefit the home not just the people living in it, and they are meant to be shared.
Sometimes, chores even force us to be sacrificial and take on your spouses chores.
In marriage, chores are about love, consideration, unity and peace. I cook dinner, Kevin cooks breakfast; I take out trash, so does Kevin, I do laundry, so does Kevin, I mop, so does Kevin; I do the majority of the house cleaning (bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen etc.) and so does he when he has a moment and I don’t make him feel bad about it and we grocery shop together. To underline it, we make sure it’s not our gender that defines our chores, but our hearts.
When we look at the duties of husbands and wives, we can take a look at 1 Peter 3: 1-7 and find:
Biblical Duties
Wives
Trust in God
Quiet Spirit
Subjection to Husband
Respect
Husbands
Trust in God
Cohabitation
Dwelling in...Knowledge
Giving Honor
Why these duties, you may ask? Because God takes notice and records the actions of all men and women.
Embracing our marital duties, roles and chores will continue to be a chain around our necks until and unless we commit to truly divorcing ourselves and humbly submit to thinking of our spouse more and ourselves less. It’s transformative journey that God desires to take us on. We must, either accept that God does know what’s best for us or commit to living in a perpetual state of pain, disillusion, hurt, fear just to name a few. Believe me the former proves that God will truly get the glory, not us.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
QUESTION OF THE DAY!
Hey Covenant Groupies,
Marital Compassion - A Model of Christs' Love.
If we're honest, we'd be the first to admit that our spouses have endured a great deal of pain during their lifetime; unbearable pain that has yet to be healed. We too, have suffered the same if not worse. However, when we get married, there are some things we can do, although we didn't cause this pain, that will show support and encouragement that will draw and seal our heart's together like nothing else can: COMPASSION.
Jesus, was so intentional in displaying compassion to EVERYONE. He did not discriminate against the thief, adulterer, liar, astrologer, tax collecter, fisherman, betrayer etc. And neither should we.
When pain comes in your spouses direction, how do you repond? Do you run and hide? Do you avoid them? Or Do you show them compassion? If you show compassion, how do you do that?
Would they say that you're there for them when they need you? If you were put on trial for having compassion for your spouse, would there be enough evidence present to find you guilty?
Marital Compassion - A Model of Christs' Love.
If we're honest, we'd be the first to admit that our spouses have endured a great deal of pain during their lifetime; unbearable pain that has yet to be healed. We too, have suffered the same if not worse. However, when we get married, there are some things we can do, although we didn't cause this pain, that will show support and encouragement that will draw and seal our heart's together like nothing else can: COMPASSION.
Jesus, was so intentional in displaying compassion to EVERYONE. He did not discriminate against the thief, adulterer, liar, astrologer, tax collecter, fisherman, betrayer etc. And neither should we.
When pain comes in your spouses direction, how do you repond? Do you run and hide? Do you avoid them? Or Do you show them compassion? If you show compassion, how do you do that?
Would they say that you're there for them when they need you? If you were put on trial for having compassion for your spouse, would there be enough evidence present to find you guilty?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Great Marital Divide: Roles, Duties and Chores – Part #1
Hey Covenant Groupies,
This is part #1 of a 2 part series on roles, duties and chores in the marital relationship. To some of you this may seem elementary, but to our engaged, newly married and singles, we believe this is soooo very necessary. Be on the lookout for part #2 on Thursday.
When I lived alone, I had a certain way I did things like washing dishes, doing laundry, taking out the trash & recycling days were down pact, I cleaned, mopped and shopped on Saturdays, tidied each day I came in from work and I cooked very large dinners on Sundays. Little did I know that: 1) all of this would change when I got married and 2) by forcing or even suggesting these habits; my habits onto Kevin was actually me trying to control my new environment.
Oh, I said it was about order and organization, but it was about truly having it done MY way. And when it wasn’t done my way, there was an argument. My stance was always, “The home is my responsibility and this is how I’d like for it to be done.” All of this because I watched, in disdain, how comfortable Kevin was with things just lying around, and although he would eventually get to it; it just wasn’t in my preferred time.
We spent so much time fighting about chores, duties and roles in the beginning of our marriage, if we could calculate that time and it’s value, I’m quite sure we’d regret wasting it on such frivolousness.
As business picked up that meant my hours were longer and my work responsibilities were more urgent. However, I wanted to honor my share of the chores, my role of a wife along with my wifely duties all, while at the same time, trying to capture some semblance of perfection in the home. So, we had to, again define our roles in the home and that required going to the Bible.
Before the Bible, “OUR” definition of roles ALWAYS allowed us to point a finger at the other when they came up short. It put a check in my box and left his blank, it made me the winner and him the loser. This was certainly not our intent but negatively successful nonetheless.
Soon we realized we were legalizing, AGAIN, what God had ordained as spiritual, we were searching /fighting for our “rights” (double entendre) and not righteousness. Fighting for rights in marriage totally goes against God’s intent for unity and 2 becoming 1. James 4:1-4 says, “All war and fighting comes from the corruption of our own hearts.” Let’s not forget that earthly wisdom creates constant warfare in relationships. It ends up becoming fertile ground for the enemy. What Kevin and I failed to realize was that, in a Covenant Marriage, when it comes down to our roles at home it’s about “being” NOT “doing.” We were making everything about tasks; about what was fair or unfair. That’s not marriage, that’s sibling rivalry. Ultimately, I had to ask, “Who was I being in the home for Kevin?” “Was I striving for peace, being gentle, kind, loving and understanding?” Or was I doing it because that’s the only way anything will get done around here?
Ladies, lets not forget that the home is our “place” to care for, 9 to 5 and all. That certainly does not mean that husbands can’t or shouldn’t help. I love, need and desire Kevin’s help around the house simply because I work just as many, sometimes if not, more hours than he does. His help makes me feel loved, appreciated and valued.
Many women, including myself, work full-time hours each and everyday, however my role of wife comes first and employee, employer comes second. Even while working I’m always thinking of ways to make Kevin’s life, as his help meet, better. Ladies, it’s so easy for us to walk into our job’s as assistants, CEO’s CFO’s, financiers, accountants, teachers, researchers etc and seek to make everyone else’s life run smoothly, but we CANNOT forget about our husbands. And please, try as infrequently as possibly to ask him, “What about me?” The moment we do that, either verbally or non-verbally, we’ve just made our marriage about us INDIVIDUALLY and not us as a COUPLE; if we can’t think about our spouses first, in all matters, then maybe assessing our spiritual maturity is necessary.
Women, we’d never think to ask our husbands to come to our jobs and lighten the load there, but we’ll ask them to help lighten the load in the area God has designated as ours. Moreover, a man who truly honors his wife will certainly not expect her to work full-time, both at home and outside of the home. He will help out and lighten her load without her asking when he can.
Jesus didn’t ask God to come and lighten His ministry responsibilities, instead He declared that God’s Will be done and further He asked for more power to continue in the ministry given to Him. Ladies, let’s model after Jesus and ask for more power to take care of our husbands, families and homes.
This is part #1 of a 2 part series on roles, duties and chores in the marital relationship. To some of you this may seem elementary, but to our engaged, newly married and singles, we believe this is soooo very necessary. Be on the lookout for part #2 on Thursday.
When I lived alone, I had a certain way I did things like washing dishes, doing laundry, taking out the trash & recycling days were down pact, I cleaned, mopped and shopped on Saturdays, tidied each day I came in from work and I cooked very large dinners on Sundays. Little did I know that: 1) all of this would change when I got married and 2) by forcing or even suggesting these habits; my habits onto Kevin was actually me trying to control my new environment.
Oh, I said it was about order and organization, but it was about truly having it done MY way. And when it wasn’t done my way, there was an argument. My stance was always, “The home is my responsibility and this is how I’d like for it to be done.” All of this because I watched, in disdain, how comfortable Kevin was with things just lying around, and although he would eventually get to it; it just wasn’t in my preferred time.
We spent so much time fighting about chores, duties and roles in the beginning of our marriage, if we could calculate that time and it’s value, I’m quite sure we’d regret wasting it on such frivolousness.
As business picked up that meant my hours were longer and my work responsibilities were more urgent. However, I wanted to honor my share of the chores, my role of a wife along with my wifely duties all, while at the same time, trying to capture some semblance of perfection in the home. So, we had to, again define our roles in the home and that required going to the Bible.
Before the Bible, “OUR” definition of roles ALWAYS allowed us to point a finger at the other when they came up short. It put a check in my box and left his blank, it made me the winner and him the loser. This was certainly not our intent but negatively successful nonetheless.
Soon we realized we were legalizing, AGAIN, what God had ordained as spiritual, we were searching /fighting for our “rights” (double entendre) and not righteousness. Fighting for rights in marriage totally goes against God’s intent for unity and 2 becoming 1. James 4:1-4 says, “All war and fighting comes from the corruption of our own hearts.” Let’s not forget that earthly wisdom creates constant warfare in relationships. It ends up becoming fertile ground for the enemy. What Kevin and I failed to realize was that, in a Covenant Marriage, when it comes down to our roles at home it’s about “being” NOT “doing.” We were making everything about tasks; about what was fair or unfair. That’s not marriage, that’s sibling rivalry. Ultimately, I had to ask, “Who was I being in the home for Kevin?” “Was I striving for peace, being gentle, kind, loving and understanding?” Or was I doing it because that’s the only way anything will get done around here?
Ladies, lets not forget that the home is our “place” to care for, 9 to 5 and all. That certainly does not mean that husbands can’t or shouldn’t help. I love, need and desire Kevin’s help around the house simply because I work just as many, sometimes if not, more hours than he does. His help makes me feel loved, appreciated and valued.
Many women, including myself, work full-time hours each and everyday, however my role of wife comes first and employee, employer comes second. Even while working I’m always thinking of ways to make Kevin’s life, as his help meet, better. Ladies, it’s so easy for us to walk into our job’s as assistants, CEO’s CFO’s, financiers, accountants, teachers, researchers etc and seek to make everyone else’s life run smoothly, but we CANNOT forget about our husbands. And please, try as infrequently as possibly to ask him, “What about me?” The moment we do that, either verbally or non-verbally, we’ve just made our marriage about us INDIVIDUALLY and not us as a COUPLE; if we can’t think about our spouses first, in all matters, then maybe assessing our spiritual maturity is necessary.
Women, we’d never think to ask our husbands to come to our jobs and lighten the load there, but we’ll ask them to help lighten the load in the area God has designated as ours. Moreover, a man who truly honors his wife will certainly not expect her to work full-time, both at home and outside of the home. He will help out and lighten her load without her asking when he can.
Jesus didn’t ask God to come and lighten His ministry responsibilities, instead He declared that God’s Will be done and further He asked for more power to continue in the ministry given to Him. Ladies, let’s model after Jesus and ask for more power to take care of our husbands, families and homes.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Honoring Holidays - Its Truth or THE TRUTH
Hey Covenant Groupies,
How is everyone today? I feel compelled to reiterate on Saturday's post concerning Valentine's Day. But before I go on, I'd like to let you all know that Kevin and I went to church yesterday and came home. We didn't do anything special, but it was a special day, because it was filled with love, laughter and time filled with so much quality, it was priceless.
So, onto today's post. Someone asked me yesterday why we don't celebrate Valentine's Day and at first, I didn't want to answer the question - AGAIN. But the question came from someone who is relatively new as a Christian and is truly enjoying his journey. So, after talking about Kevin and my opposing the excessive materalism, cupid and St. Valentine himself, I closed by saying that "love comes from God and not cupid. Who the heck is cupid and why does he have to pierce me with an arrow in order for me to fall in love? When we celebrate something, we inadvertently honor its truth, not THE TRUTH. Unfortunately, many people, even Christians have forgotten that."
God's love is pure, honest, sustaining, victorious and truthful and on any given day it should be celebrated. That's where "Lovers Day" comes from for us. When Kevin and I go through our stuff, it's not cupid who sustaines and mentors us. It's not his WORD that's embedded in our hearts and it's not cupid's Holy Spirit that convicts me when I need reassusrance that God truly loves me. It's always been God's intentional love for Kevin and Me.
As colorful and exciting as the world has made Valentine's Day, unfortunately, it has become, for some people an awful reminder that are alone. A friend of mine emailed me yesterday and said how he hated Valentine's Day because he's not married. That broke my heart and what a dreadful feeling for someone to live with. Equally, I also thought that that's a lot of power to give a day! Understandably, everybody wants somebody to love, but what do you do in the meantime; learn to receive PERFECT love from God in order to give PERFECT love everyday until that person comes along. Just a suggestion.
Even for me, it took a while to realize that Valentine's Day is not a day for love, EVERYDAY proves a perfect opportunity to be a lover to someone; Mom, Dad, spouse, friends, children, nieces, nephews, neighbors and even strangers.
Now that's THE TRUTH; God's TRUTH!!!
How is everyone today? I feel compelled to reiterate on Saturday's post concerning Valentine's Day. But before I go on, I'd like to let you all know that Kevin and I went to church yesterday and came home. We didn't do anything special, but it was a special day, because it was filled with love, laughter and time filled with so much quality, it was priceless.
So, onto today's post. Someone asked me yesterday why we don't celebrate Valentine's Day and at first, I didn't want to answer the question - AGAIN. But the question came from someone who is relatively new as a Christian and is truly enjoying his journey. So, after talking about Kevin and my opposing the excessive materalism, cupid and St. Valentine himself, I closed by saying that "love comes from God and not cupid. Who the heck is cupid and why does he have to pierce me with an arrow in order for me to fall in love? When we celebrate something, we inadvertently honor its truth, not THE TRUTH. Unfortunately, many people, even Christians have forgotten that."
God's love is pure, honest, sustaining, victorious and truthful and on any given day it should be celebrated. That's where "Lovers Day" comes from for us. When Kevin and I go through our stuff, it's not cupid who sustaines and mentors us. It's not his WORD that's embedded in our hearts and it's not cupid's Holy Spirit that convicts me when I need reassusrance that God truly loves me. It's always been God's intentional love for Kevin and Me.
As colorful and exciting as the world has made Valentine's Day, unfortunately, it has become, for some people an awful reminder that are alone. A friend of mine emailed me yesterday and said how he hated Valentine's Day because he's not married. That broke my heart and what a dreadful feeling for someone to live with. Equally, I also thought that that's a lot of power to give a day! Understandably, everybody wants somebody to love, but what do you do in the meantime; learn to receive PERFECT love from God in order to give PERFECT love everyday until that person comes along. Just a suggestion.
Even for me, it took a while to realize that Valentine's Day is not a day for love, EVERYDAY proves a perfect opportunity to be a lover to someone; Mom, Dad, spouse, friends, children, nieces, nephews, neighbors and even strangers.
Now that's THE TRUTH; God's TRUTH!!!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
National Marriage Week Ends
Hey Covenant Groupies,
BTW National Marriage Week end tomorrow. We pray that it was a truly blessed time for you married folks. May God continue to be glorified through you and your spouse.
For you single folks, we pray that you witnessed marriage in a way like never before during this past week.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Valentines Day - Our Lover's Day
Hey Covenant Groupies,
Last night is a total blur to me ya'll. During the middle of the day, I came down with a bad headache. That's not the norm for me so, I just shut everything down and relaxed. Kevin came in early and ordered some amazing Japanese food. We ate and enjoyed each other's company
Today was another relaxing day for us. It's been a while since we've just had one of these. We spent the day talking about what we'd like to do this summer and how exactly we wanted to prepare now; getting back into the gym, traveling, work related items etc. It's been a truly fulfilling day. It's great to have something to look forward to and work towards.
As far as tomorrow goes, we don't celebrate Valentines Day. Several years ago, we, check this out, took it upon ourselves to change February 14th to "Lover's Day." The nerve of us right? This day, for us, is about not only our love for God and one another, but other's as well.
Collectively, it was difficult for us to take this one day and try to compete with millions of other people and display secular love to one another; a love that was arranged by cupid. Nahhhhh. Can't do that. More importantly, we wanted to really display God's love prominently on this day. Don't get me wrong, we're not saying that other's don't, but we wanted to truly make a day that just expanded on what we feel daily without making it about flowers, candy, teddy bears and all of that "stuff."
So, since I don't blog on Sunday's, I'll tell you that tomorrow is going to be a truly fun day.
Stayed tuned!!!!!
Last night is a total blur to me ya'll. During the middle of the day, I came down with a bad headache. That's not the norm for me so, I just shut everything down and relaxed. Kevin came in early and ordered some amazing Japanese food. We ate and enjoyed each other's company
Today was another relaxing day for us. It's been a while since we've just had one of these. We spent the day talking about what we'd like to do this summer and how exactly we wanted to prepare now; getting back into the gym, traveling, work related items etc. It's been a truly fulfilling day. It's great to have something to look forward to and work towards.
As far as tomorrow goes, we don't celebrate Valentines Day. Several years ago, we, check this out, took it upon ourselves to change February 14th to "Lover's Day." The nerve of us right? This day, for us, is about not only our love for God and one another, but other's as well.
Collectively, it was difficult for us to take this one day and try to compete with millions of other people and display secular love to one another; a love that was arranged by cupid. Nahhhhh. Can't do that. More importantly, we wanted to really display God's love prominently on this day. Don't get me wrong, we're not saying that other's don't, but we wanted to truly make a day that just expanded on what we feel daily without making it about flowers, candy, teddy bears and all of that "stuff."
So, since I don't blog on Sunday's, I'll tell you that tomorrow is going to be a truly fun day.
Stayed tuned!!!!!
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