Monday, August 10, 2009

The Great Debate: Loving Your Children More Than Your Spouse is Wrong, Right.

Hey Covenant Groupies,

For years I’ve witnessed, been in discussion with and heard of Christian and non-Christian marriages that are suffering because one spouse has somehow seen fit to overwhelm the love for their spouse onto their children. Kevin and I aren’t parents yet, but for the life of both if us, we want to believe that we know better. We’ve discussed this so much; for the sake of not making the same mistake. I don’t think you need to necessarily be a parent to know that this hurtful shift will damage your relationship, build both resentment and bitterness. Simply, it’s wrong, right? Do you agree or not?

Just like I know not to steal, lie or cheat, I know that NO ONE comes before my spouse except God Himself.

This conversation came up again as we revisited something we saw back in 2005. Kevin and I watched writer Ayelet Waldman on Oprah’s show and was so impressed with this woman’s conviction to love her husband more than her four children. She had written an article called, “Truly, Madly, Guiltily,” for The New York Times March of 2005, in which she questioned her truth. She said, “I don't just desire my husband every bit as much as the day we met 16 years ago. I love him more than my children,” “Why do I seem to be the only mother who hasn't transferred all the burning passion I felt for my husband to my children? Why aren't my precious children the centre of my universe, as they appear to be for every other mother?” This statement along with many others incited so much flack from women all around the world and landed her on Oprah’s show. For instance, she says, “But, while I cherish the time I have with my children, I'm not in love with any of them. I am in love with my husband. It is his face - not theirs - that leaves me aching with infatuated devotion. Quite simply, I love my husband more than I love my children.”

That’s deep and difficult for most people to hear. How does it make you feel?

Kevin and I found it funny that Oprah thought it appropriate to sit this woman directly in the middle of woman who were seated in a circular style around her; almost as if to intimidate her. Nonetheless, she stood her ground, no matter what those women threw her way. Out of everyone in the studio, I think there were only 2 or 3 women who agreed with her. All the others thought he was an awful mother.
Similar to Jesus, it wasn’t what the majority said, but what He knew and believed. That’s what we liked about Ayelet.

Read this beautifully controversial article and share your thoughts with me.

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