Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Infidelity: A Matter of Heart or Body?

Hey Covenant Groupies,

I read an article today that asked the question, what is infidelity? In describing her thoughts, the author quoted the dictionary as defining infidelity as: "marital unfaithfulness or an instant of it" and she furthered her thought by only seeing infidelity as a matter of sex. This seemed so incomplete and relaxed in responsibility to me because this definition allows us to redefine it, abuse it and make use of infidelity any way we please.

When I think of infidelity, I believe it covers a multitude of indiscretions. I think of how a touch can constitute infidelity, a mere conversation, an emotional connection, a phone call and sex with someone other than your spouse all constitute infidelity. For me, infidelity is a matter of a committed or uncommitted heart. Period!

I remember after Kevin and I were engaged, there was a co-worker that had an unhealthy attachment to him and vice versa and, of course, her didn’t see it (or wouldn’t see it.) So, as opposed to talking rationally about t, we instead argued more about this situation. I felt he loved having his ego stroked by hr and he felt that I was overreacting because they were just friends.

We did get a few opportunities to discuss the detriment of this type of relationship and how disrespectful it was, however, nothing changed. Yet, Kevin was very clear where I stood and that mattered to me more than the young lady knowing my stance.

During a business trip to NYC, where she’d also meet Kevin for the first time face to face (oh, didn’t I mention they’d never met?) I decided that she and I would meet first. As I shared my concern about her relationship with my fiancĂ©e, I remember her being very attentive to what I was saying. This side of me amazed me because I’d never sat down with a woman before to clear the air about her feelings for my man. As I finished and asked for her thoughts, all she seemed to want me to know, with tears streaming down her face, was that she loved Kevin. “WHAT! No, wrong answer. Did you not just hear everything I said?” I thought to myself. However, instead of beating her senseless (keepin’ it real.) the way I wanted to, the Lord gave me a sense of compassion for her. She shared how her man didn’t give her half of the attention Kevin gave her. She told me that although she only spoke to Kevin 3-4 times a month for work related issues, he always had an interest in what she was doing personally as well. She felt important when he spoke with him.

Now, I didn’t care who was giving what to who, when, why or how; a line had been crossed and that’s all that mattered to me. This was an intimate relationship and to me that constituted infidelity.

What do you think? What defines infidelity to you?

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