Saturday, April 18, 2009

Salsa Dancing and Some Foundational Truths of a Covenant Marriage

Well Covenant Groupies,

Yes, I know it’s been a long time since my last post, but it has been extremely busy on my end. I do apologize.

I must fill you I on what happened last night with Kevin and me. We are core members of our churches’ marriage ministry, (M.O.R.E. - Ministry on Relationship Enrichment) and as we’re gearing up for our couple’s retreat in June, we planned a pre-retreat event. We decided to go Salsa dancing. Who woulda thunk the lessons learned from this historical and sexy dance would have been sincerely apropos for Christian marriages?

Our instructor was an amazing and fun woman named Meeka. Intentionally and carefully, she began to explain how we, men and women, are supposed hold, stand, look and move together. Obviously, that’s expected, right? However, you would have thought we were in church.

Meeka’s lesson had many nuggets in it, however, these are the one’s that stood out to me:

1) She began by teaching us the basic steps by ourselves. Obviously, we had to learn some things alone in order to then combine them with omeone else.
It made me think of who we were when we were single - we know our basics; what we like, what our expectations are, how we define life and relationships etc. In a nutshell, we do believe we know who we are and that's what we demand be accepted in a relationship.

2) Then she brought us together and showed us how to incorporate our basic steps so there’s fluidity with another person.
Far too often we bring individual/independent “Stuff” into our relationships and expect them to work - we miss the fluidity. We miss mny opportunities to relinquish that independent spirit.

3) Meeka then showed us how the man - “the leader” needs to lead and how the women - “the follower” needs to follow. (She specified, emphatically, that the leader CANNOT be the follower nor can the follower be the leader). It just won’t work and anyone watching you dance this way will immediately see the awkwardness.
We often learn in the Bible, in the church, in small groups etc. that each person in the marriage has a particular ole to play in order to live out the call that God has on the Covenant of marriage - otherwise it’s out of order - awkward.

4) We then learned how to properly hold one another. The man has to be, simultaneously, delicate and aggressive. He supports her and she holds on. He has to lead with authority in order that the women feels protected and able to move properly and freely. His movements are her guide. Although he cannot demand it or force her, he has to offer it because with his body and his eyes they communicate on the floor.
This becomes the problem for most of use women. We want to call the shots too. Not that we can’t share the proverbial load, but we can’t take our roles from our husbands and expect them to want to lead. We want to be able to guide, delegate and control some things in the relationship. We often feel that our husbands are supposed to hold on to us and only us.

5) We learned that a lot can and will be determined about the couple’s relationship by their successful or unsuccessful communication on the dance floor.
In order for a vision to have a successful outcome it begins with mutual agreement of all parties involved, a commitment to leadership and those who have partnered with their necessary abilities for the success of the vision and follow through from everyone. Without those ingredients, a lot can be determined about many marriages. Just look at the divorce rate of Christian marriages.

Needless to say, Salsa Date Night was so much fun and AMAZING!!!!!!!

Pictures to follow

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