Friday, August 10, 2012
Good Day Covenant Groupies,
Kevin and I have just returned from the National Urban League's 2012 Conference. We attended with client Kim Fields, who was being honored but then I was also asked to speak on the panel entitled, "It's a Love Thang." The panel included Dr. Jeff Gardere, Dr. Hilda Hutchinson, Dr. Michelle Callahan, Aulston Taylor and myself.
The panel went extremely well and even though they had to replace Kevin with one of the panel sponsors, he was right there in the audience. Looking so handsome, of course!!
As panelists, we talked about everything from why marriages aren't lasting, keeping the spark alive, sex, how to speak to your man, celibacy, men being providers - financially-emotionally-physically-psychologically, God and so much more.
What was interesting after the panel was to hear the craving of folks wanting to understand why, how and for how long do you create and keep boundaries in your relationship.
Simply, we create boundaries in order to teach people how to treat us. Without boundaries we often compromise any system of belief, morality and values that we have. This quickly leads to a toxic and unhealthy environment with which to grow a healthy flourishing relationship.
Without boundaries we often allow people to take full advantage of our truth and we forget that it's okay to say no, I'm not comfortable with that, no I will not do that, no I will not allow you to do that to me, no, you cannot speak to me in that way, no, I will not receive that type of love from you, no, I will not allow you to string me along. No, I refuse to allow you to abuse me and misuse me.
To be clear, boundaries are about knowing our value. If we do not know our value we walk into relationships allowing others to determine our value. That simply cannot happen because we do not know how someone values another until we are in a relationship with them. By then it may be too late and they may only expect to treat us the way that they know how to treat us, not the way we'd like to be treated. Then we're accused of trying to change them and knowing what we were getting into from the beginning, which is true.
ALWAYS WALK INTO A RELATIONSHIP KNOWING YOUR VALUE. YOUR VALUE COMES FROM GOD. HE KNOWS WHY HE CREATED US. HE KNOWS HOW WE ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE. LET HIM SHOW YOU YOUR VALUE NOT JUST ANOTHER FLAWED HUMAN BEING.