Monday, June 14, 2010

I do... If, When, and Until

Hey Covenant Groupies,

WOW! I can’t believe that it’s been 7 days since my last post. I missed coming here so much. I was filled with client issues, contracts and meetings. My nights were long and exhausting.

Well, I’m back and something was, of course, on my mind. When Kevin and I first got married, neither one of us were walking the walk, seeking change or committed immediately to living out the Marriage Covenant we’d just vowed to live under. It was too hard! I guess to really depend on a God who wanted nothing, of value from you, in exchange for obedience and trust just wouldn’t translate into a reality for us; as, I’m quite sure, it doesn’t for many others.

More importantly, it was difficult for us to grasp the concept that we didn’t vow to be married based on what the other does or does not do or how we perform. After many fights, disagreements and confrontations, we had to come to the understanding that I Do… if, when, and until is unproductive, unsuccessful and no where near what God had in mind for marriages.

This became very evident when I started measuring how much more I washed dishes, laundry, cleaned the house or took out the garbage over how much Kevin did and it used to infuriate me and I began to resent him. There very few things I’m afraid of, but resenting my husband or anyone is one of them. There is so much discontent, anger and hurt in resentment and it takes so long to overcome. But I remember Author Gary Thomas saying that his wife didn’t refill the ice trays after using them and it angered him very much, then one day he counted just how long it takes to refill and ice tray; 7 seconds just in case you were wondering.

He chose then to refill them himself when she forgets, because that’s what a Covenant spouse does, we must refrain from inviting resentment into our marriage and take a hold of sacrifice.

Too often we choose to live under the limited and awful conditions where we forfeit truth, intimacy and our Covenant vows. Does it make us feel better to hold up a self-righteous mirror to our spouses? It’s so tiring to set about keeping score in a marriage with another adult. It may have worked in elementary school, but not so much here.

Can we commit to day to say, I Do…, not if, when or until, but in spite of?

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